Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The Idler, Monday, july 25, 2011

Leapfrog the traffic jams

A FLYING car that converts at the touch of a button between being an aircraft and a motor vehicle is expected to be on sale in Britain next year, retailing at £150 000.

The two-seater Terrafugia can fly 800km on a single tank of fuel and can lift off from almost any long, straight road. It has a top speed in the air of 185km/h and its wings fold up in 15 seconds to allow it to travel at 100km/h on the road.

We're not told what length of road is needed for take-off – in other words, will one be able to simply take to the air whenever a traffic jam develops? – but Terrafugia enthusiasts will no doubt just pull out and open the throttle in the oncoming lane, the way Durban taxis already do.

In fact, combine Terrafugia technology with Durban taxi driving and the Brits could have found the ideal replacement for the Harrier jump-jet.

 

 

 

Strongest side ever?

 

MICHAEL Green, retired editor of our sister newspaper, the Daily News, notes that cricket followers have selected their "greatest Test team of all time", to mark the 2 000th Test match at Lord's. He says they must have short memories.

 

"Their team: Virender Sehwag, Sunil Gavaskar, Don Bradman, Sachin Tendulkar, Brian Lara, Kapil Dev, Adam Gilchrist, Shane Warne, Wasim Akram, Curtly Ambrose, Glenn McGrath.

 

"Looking back a little further, how about this team to beat that mentioned above?

 

"W.G. Grace (England), the first of the greats, born 163 years ago, played first-class cricket for 44 years. He is well remembered for his arguments with umpires. Given out lbw, he waved his arm at the crowds around the ground and told the official at the other end of the wicket: 'See all those people?  They've come to watch me bat, not to watch you umpire'.

 

"Walter Hammond (England), who lived in Durban for several years and died here in 1965.

 

"Jack Hobbs (England), whom I knew in London long years ago. He owned a sports shop in Fleet Street.

 

"Garfield Sobers (West Indies), the supreme all-rounder.

 

"Denis Compton (England). Two of his sons live in Durban.

"Dudley Nourse (South Africa), who in 1951 scored 208 against England while batting with a very painful broken thumb.

 

"Bill O'Reilly (Australia), the leg-break bowler in this team.

 

"Learie Constantine (West Indies), who became a peer of the British realm, Baron Constantine.

 

"Godfrey Evans (wicket-keeper, England), who once kept during an Australian innings of 659 without conceding a single bye.

 

"Keith Miller (Australia), who was a fighter pilot in World War II. Asked many years later about pressure in cricket, he replied: 'Pressure is a Messerschmidt up you're a***. Playing cricket is not'.

 

"Ray Lindwall (Australia), who with Miller formed what was possibly the most formidable opening bowling partnership in cricket history.

 

"And I haven't found space for Richie Benaud (Australia), the best of all the modern commentators; the imperturbable Len Hutton (England); and the three Ws of the West Indies, Everton Weekes, Frank Worrell and Clyde Walcott. And many others."

 

I'd put all my doubloons on Michael Green's side.

 

Ionian geography

WHAT'S the capital of Greece? About 10 euros

St Clements rave-up

A POTPOURRI of poetry, music and art is on the agenda for tonight at St Clements, the Berea spot where afficionados get together of a Monday to strut their stuff and take on board a glass or two of claret and some grub.

Tonight there will be readings of the English poetry of Jean Cornet (usually he writes in French) and as things hot up there will be music and song, while art works will also be on display.

Nothing like an artistic razzle-dazzle to lift the spirits. I just hope the cops don't bust us for disturbing the neighbourhood.

Conjugal drift

EVER since the wife and I bought a water bed, we've drifted apart


Tailpiece

 

"Hey, baby, you're really hot! Wanna go out?"

"I have a boyfriend."

"I have a maths test."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Aren't we listing things we can cheat on?"

 

Last word

My favourite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them.

Penn Jillette

 

 

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