The lovely Mrs O'Toole
'TWAS a razzle-dazzle of note as we of the St Clement's literary/musical/artistic group wound up the season the other night with readings from Spike Milligan's Puckoon, one of the funniest books ever written.
I'd never before heard the thing presented this way and it worked well, Pieter Scholtz's stagecraft evident as he enacted the Milligan falling off his bicycle, the ground fortunately breaking his fall.
The place rocked with laughter. One of my favourite passages was read, the one where the Milligan attempts to wheedle out of "the lovely Mrs O'Toole", landlady of The Holy Drunkard, a cool libation for a weary traveller. Her riposte is a classic.
The St Clement's group now goes into six weeks' hibernation, except for a gathering next Thursday to launch Pieter Scholtz's new book, which I understand is about meerkats – though I could be misinformed, it might be about aardvarks or striptease artistes or just about anything.
Wince, wince!
THE EPISODE of Mrs O'Toole is a favourite, yet I could not help wincing. In years gone by I used to playfully call the Irish wife of a friend "the lovely Mrs O'Toole". Then she got round to reading Puckoon and found Milligan also referred to the lovely Mrs O'Toole as "a pig of a face."
I got a fearful scragging. Hell hath no fury ... She lives in the West Indies now but I still think it's not quite a safe distance.
Heresy
HERETICS' corner. Everywhere I hear discussion of the merits of Sharkie Mark II, the new King's Park mascot, as against Sharkie Mark I. Opinion seems to come down firmly for Mark I.
Yet some of us recall the way Manie Blom and his banana tree got a bigger roar from the crowd than Sharkie I or II ever have. Why not restore this tradition for the Currie Cup?
But I'd better not continue with these heresies. Brian van Zyl will have me burned at the stake.
Purple prose
LET'S have a look at some more of the top entries to the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest where the English Department of the University of San Jose, California, adjudge the most prolix, cliché–ridden introductory paragraphs to imaginary novels.
· "The executioner sneered as the young queen ascended the stairs to the guillotine; in the old days, he thought, at least there was some build-up, a little time on the rack or some disembowelling, but nowadays everyone wants instant gratification."
· "As his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky dappled with cerulean clouds with indigo bases, through cobalt seas that deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at the horizon, Ian was at a loss as to why he felt blue."
· "Within the smoking ruins of Keister Castle, Princess Gwendolyn stared in horror at the limp form of the loyal Centaur who died defending her very honour; 'You may force me to wed,' she cried at the leering and victorious Goblin King, 'but you'll never be half the man he was.'"
Lovely stuff!
Fat fish
THE BRITS are known to be nuttily indulgent of their pets. There is also a great national concern about obesity in children. But obesity in fish?
Staff at a London aquarium were baffled when they were presented with an overweight gourami – a bream-like fish – which had been privately owned. Yet the obviously well-fed 4kg fish refused to eat in its new environment.
It then transpired that its previous owners had raised it on nothing but chocolate – Kit-Kat bars.
Gouramis usually eat fruit. The aquarium staff had to gradually wean the gourami off chocolate by feeding him grapes with bits of Kit-Kat inside.
Rationing the chocolate! What kind of aquarium is this?
Tailpiece
HARD work never killed anybody. But it does keep you off Twitter.
Last word
I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible.
No comments:
Post a Comment