Very un-English it is
BRITAIN'S Spectator magazine, has a chippy editorial headed "Our winning side", in which it sets the success of the England cricket side against the gloom and horror of the economic position.
"Andrew Strauss, the captain, and his young team possess a rather un-English gift; the ability to win. Unlike many of their predecessors, players such as Stuart Broad and Matt Prior seem to perform best under pressure."
Er, yes. But there's something else un-English about them. Two of the three players mentioned have their origins in South Africa. Okay, Strauss grew up in England but Prior grew up in South Africa (until age 11) and learned his cricket here. So did Kevin Pietersen (product of Maritzburg College). So did Jonathan Trott. So did Craig Kieswetter. So did Cornelius van Hoogstraaten and Bertus van Deventer (Okay, only kidding – I made up the last two).
It gives rise to the gag: Where do the England players stay when they tour South Africa? At home with their parents.
But let's not begrudge the Brits their counter to the economic gloom and doom. Let's rather lend them Trevor Manuel and Nicky Oppenheimer.
Oddity
ALL THE SAME, it's odd how many South Africans end up playing for England. Lots of Aussies, Indians, Pakistanis and West Indians play English county cricket but I can't recall any of them going on to play for England – not in recent times anyway.
Piers the lad
FLEET Street's phone hacking scandal continues to spread. Now they're after Piers Morgan, former editor of the Daily Mirror, because Heather Mills, former wife of Beatle Sir Paul McCartney, claims – fairly convincingly, it must be said – that at the time of the break-up of her marriage, a Mirror reporter was hacking into her telephone conversations.
Morgan, who is something of a pretty boy – he is often described as "laddish" - was editor at the time but is now with CNN in America.
Satirical magazine Private Eye always used to refer to him as Piers "Moron" Morgan. More recently they have been calling him Piers "Morgan" Moron. It's not clear exactly why they switched. Perhaps we should follow Private Eye to keep track of Morgan's fortunes.
Meanwhile, anyone who is shocked at the suggestion that the red-top tabloid Daily Mirror used the same phone hacking methods as the red-top tabloid News of the World would no doubt be absolutely astounded to be told that bears defecate in the forest.
Keeping score
THE BEST wood in an amateur golfer's bag: the pencil.
Bible story
A LITTLE boy was being read the Bible story about how Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but the wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt.
Little boy (with concern): "What happened to the flea?"
Times are tough
IF WE THINK economic times are tough, consider this despatch from America:
· My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.*
· CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
· Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
· I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
· If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
· McDonald's is selling the 1/2 ouncer.
· Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
· Parents in Beverly Hills are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.
· A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
· A picture is now worth only 200 words.
· When Bill and Hillary Clinton travel together, they now have to share a room.
· The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Oh boy, the American dream!
Glee movie
British troops in Afghanistan have scored a hit on the internet with a video, set to music from the show Glee, which opens with a (technically decent) shot of them jumping up and down naked behind the batwing-type doors of their shower cubicles.
The video, made by men of 29 Commando, scored 55 000 hits in just a few days.
That's nothing. Wait until the Wrens (Women's Royal Navy Service) get in on the act. It'll go stratospheric.
Tailpiece
GOLF is better than sex. A below par performance is considered damned good!
Last word
Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done.
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