Vladimir the crooner
POST-communist Russia is a murky nightmare of corruption and criminality, directed by a Mafiosi oligarchy with the closest connections to the political elite. The Mafia are mainly the former apparatchiks of the Soviet system and there are constant suspicions that Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, with his background in the KGB, is one of the kingpins.
Yet Putin himself somehow manages to dispel something of this murkiness with a succession of quirky personal escapades that show him to be very much human and a bit of a lad. He has driven a racing car at high speed, ridden a Harley-Davidson, gone bare-chested on horseback, darted whales for tagging and taken the controls of a fire-fighting aircraft.
Then a few days ago he took the microphone at a charity function in St Petersburg and sang a very creditable rendition of Blueberry Hill, to the delight of several Hollywood personalities who were present. Apart from staying on key and in time, his English is pretty good.
The wind in the willows
Keeps whisperin' to me …
As Churchill remarked, Russia is a riddle wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma.
Not the same
IS THERE any other example of a head of government becoming a crooner?
No, Mshini Wami is not quite in the same category.
Office parties
CHRISTMAS party time is here. It's when the Boss picks up the tab, all kinds of flirting takes place and everyone has a good time.
Yet a survey in Britain by a restaurant chain suggests that among many employees – 27 percent – the Boss is not welcome at the end of year party. They say his presence stops everyone having fun. Many are afraid they will be unable to resist telling him what they really think.
But come on – he picks up the tab, doesn't he? And the office party is an opportunity for sailing close to the wind.
On a newspaper the Christmas party is known as a "wetstone". In the days of hot metal production the stone was the slab of metal in the works where the galleys of type were arranged. (In ancient days it really was made of stone). At the Christmas party drinks were placed on it instead, and it became wet.
At a wetstone of this newspaper group, a new manager was making a speech in which he expressed his regret at working only a few weeks with a senior editor before he retired.
"We were like ships that passed in the night."
"Did you say 'ships'?" called a well-lubricated sub-editor.
Kipling update
HERE'S a new take on Kipling's famous poem, If:
If you can start the day without caffeine;
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains;
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles;
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it;
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time;
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong;
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment;
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend;
If you can face the world without lies and deceit;
If you can conquer tension without medical help;
If you can relax without liquor;
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs;
If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, colour, religion, gender or politics;
Then yours is the earth and all that's in it; and – which is more - you have reached the same level of development as yourdog, my son.
New movie
There's a new film coming about a tractor. I know, I've just seen the trailer.
Tailpiece
This fellow stays out late having a few drinks with his pals. He returns home feeling amorous but his wife is sound asleep in bed.
He gets two aspirins and pushes them into her mouth. She wakes, spluttering and coughing.
"What on earth are you doing?"
"Giving you aspirins."
"But I don't have a headache."
"Good. That's just what I want to hear."
Last word
In certain kinds of writing, particularly in art criticism and literary criticism, it is normal to come across long passages which are almost completely lacking in meaning.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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