Horror show collision
A DURBAN ambulance driver wouldn't let a female paramedic out of the vehicle the other day because she was laughing so hard. He said it wasn't professional.
They were attending a two-car collision at St John's bridge, Westville. One car had been carrying a 25-litre bucket of white touch-up paint on the back seat.
As the ambulance arrived, the four occupants were clambering out, covered in white paint. They looked like something from a horror show.
But it had been a minor collision and nobody from either vehicle was hurt. The paramedic team survived intact, in spite of the strain on the girl's laughter mechanisms.
I'm obliged for all this information to my old friend and sometime contributor, Tom Dennen, who I understand is still in his native America and picked up the story on the Internet.
Dad's pants
THIS week's reports about women wearing pants in Umlazi remind reader Brian Kennedy of when young women first started wearing slacks in Dublin
"They would walk down the street to calls of: 'Go home and let your father out of bed!' from groups of teenage boys."
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Marriage
SOME thoughts on the institution of matrimony:
· Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so is thunder and lightning.
· If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
· Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least a 100 grand!
· Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
· When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
· Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
· Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
· Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
· Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why one treats the other like toxic waste.
· A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Divorce
MEANWHILE, Bill Bryson (Bizarre World – Warner Books) brings us some news from the divorce courts:
A woman in San Diego was granted a divorce on the grounds that her husband was so cheap he made her make her own false teeth. In Cleveland, meanwhile, Mrs Edna Hopton, a deaf mute, won a dissolution of her marriage because her husband nagged her in sign language.
Wonder drug
ASPIRIN turns out to be the wonder drug to ward off cancer. Everyone should take it. Side effect: no more excuses from women at night, says reader Diederik van der Werff.
Bumper sticker
AN innuendo is not an Italian suppository
Tailpiece
The doctor returns next day: "So, Murphy, how was your day?" Murphy says he had three patients.
"Bravo, Murphy lad! And the second one?"
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this. And what about the third one?" "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly de door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in, so she does. Like a bolt outta de blue, she tears off her clothes. She takes off everyting, even her bra and panties and lies down on de table and shouts: 'Help me for de love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'''
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Last word
Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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