Traffic chaos
caused by
Eskom
WOULD it be too much to expect the metro police to put a few men on point duty at the busier intersections when Eskom is engaged in load shedding?
Getting across the southern Berea was more than somewhat hairy this week with traffic lights not functioning and rush hour vehicles speeding from the CBD in a steady and uninterrupted stream up the steeper slopes, reluctant to lose revs.
The tail-up of vehicles on the roads running across was alarming. Chances were being taken trying to nip across through gaps. Not good.
The metro cops need to treat Eskom like a natural disaster – fire, flood, cyclone or earthquake– and step in to mitigate it. They can surely wean a few personnel off parking ticket duties.
Alliteration
THE other day we discussed the passing at the age of 100 of Colonel Mike Hoare, the legendary mercenary soldier of Congo fame.
His son Chris, who wrote his dad's biography, says he was also known as "Mad Mike Hoare", though he was absolutely sane, with perhaps just a streak of piracy.
Yes, I think the "Mad" appendage was a matter of alliteration more than anything else. The "Mad Major" … "Mad Mike".
Oddly enough, a group of we hacks and scribblers were once years ago discussing this very thing in the "Liz" – the Elizabeth Hotel - up in Johannesburg.
The Congolese government had promoted Mike from major to colonel. The alliteration no longer worked, he was no longer "Mad Major Mike".
It prompted us to find alliterative appendages to all the army ranks: the Potty Private; the Crackpot Corporal; the Silly Sergeant; the Wacky Warrant Officer; the Loopy Lieutenant; the Crazy Captain; the Mad Major (natch – that was Mike Hoare already); the Cockamamy Colonel; the Barmy Brigadier; the Jackass General; the Fool Field Marshal …
'Twas fun for an evening but it never did catch on.
Origins
READER Nick Gray sends in the origin of some day-to-day expressions.
· "The whole nine yards." During World War II American aircraft were armed with belts of bullets they would use in aerial combat or strafing runs. These were folded into wing compartments that fed the machineguns. The belts were 27 feet in length and contained hundreds of bullets. Pilots would return from missions having used up all their bullets They would say: "I gave them the whole nine yards". (Three feet to a yard).
· In George Washington's day, there were no cameras. Some paintings of Washington show him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others show both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were based on many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are limbs, therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence: 'Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg"'
· A long time ago, men and women took baths only twice a year, in May and October. Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would bake it. This made the wig big and fluffy, hence "Big Wig", a person who.is powerful and wealthy.
Tailpiece
Sergeant-major: "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning."
Private: "Thank you very much, sir."
Last word
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trapdoor. - Paul Beatty
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