The Idler, Thursday, February 13, 2020

St Clement's

celebrates

eccentricity

THE St Clement's arts soiree got off to a cracking start this week in its first gathering of 2020. In the saddle were soiree kingpin Pieter Scholtz and Rodger Knowles, reading alternately from Pieter's new book, Meditations, a collection of musings set down as verse.

Pieter is a retired drama prof and has now written and published 37 books – novels, short stories and poetry. He's also written plays and twice won the Amstel Playwright of the Year Award.

So his stuff is anything but lightweight, though often playful. Example: Eccentric.

The dictionary

has a limited definition

of 'eccentric'.

it states inter alia

that eccentric

is 'irregular' or 'odd'.

It doesn't say

that eccentric

can be fun!

This meditation is accompanied by a funny photograph of Albert Einstein pulling a tongue – and at St Clements the photo was projected onto the wall. Very effective. The world's greatest physicist ever had an impish sense of humour.

'Twas a most convivial evening lubricated with much rose wine to celebrate a cash windfall received by one of our number. But he didn't stick his tongue out – retired judges have a great sense of decorum.

 

 

Clowns

OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "Why is a singles bar different from a circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk to you."

 

 

Wrestle a croc

HERE'S a challenge – and possibly a lucrative reward – for adventure-seekers who wouldn't mind a bit of travel. All you have to do is wrestle with a crocodile and get a motorcycle tyre off his neck.

The challenge is in Indonesia, where the 4m croc has had the tyre round his neck for three years, according to Sky News.

The Indonesian authorities are offering a reward to anyone who is able to free him, fearing that as he grows he will start to suffocate.

They tried using a noted "animal whisperer" but that failed. Crocs don't take to being whispered sweet nothings.

Officials don't say how much is on offer for releasing the croc from the tyre, simply saying: "A reward will be given to anyone who can release this hapless reptile."

I bet there are plenty of people in KZN – Ezemvelo, Crocworld – who could do the job. We once had an exotic dancer – stage name Nadja of the Nile – who specialised in wrestling with crocodiles in night clubs. But that was a long time ago.

 

Tailpiece

ALBERT Einstein arrives at a party, introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks: "What is your IQ?" To which the man replies: "241"
"That's wonderful!" says Einstein. "We can talk about grand unification theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next he introduces himself to a woman and asks: "What is your IQ?" To which she replies: "144."
"That is great!" says Einstein "We can discuss politics and current affairs, we will have much to discuss!"
Einstein moves to the next fellow and asks: "What is your IQ?" To which the man replies: "16"
Einstein responds: "Hoe gaan dit met die Blou Bulle?"

 

Last word

Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency. - Raymond Chandler