The Idler, Friday, February 21, 2020

An early start

for tomorrow's

rugby

 

WHAT is it with these Van Diemenslanders? The Sharks' match against Queensland Reds is at 5.45am. Who plays rugby at that time of day?

Oh, okay, I get it, it's the time lag. The earth spins. But why are matches in Australia usually about 11am our time? Is this one being played mid-afternoon? Why?

Could this be some Machiavellian plot to deprive the Sharks of the long-distance support of the damsels of the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties, who at 5.45am on a Saturday are just about getting ready for slumber, unlikely to be enthusiastic about rugby or a volunteering of their knicker elastic for a fashioning of catapults with which to shoot out the streetlights in the time-honoured feu de joie? Is this a crafty attempt to undermine the spirit of rugby in this province?

All the same, we look forward to a great game, a removal of the wobbles of last week. Curwin Bosch will be back at flyhalf.

Last week little Sanele Nohamba stood in and did absolutely brilliantly. Nohamba (and boy, he can "hamba"!) is normally a titchy scrumhalf, but he's always had pace and attacking flair.

Does Bosch's return mean there's no place for Nohamba? Of course not, he's a scrumhalf. And I wouldn't be surprised if Sean Everitt this time uses him in the line-out.

The line-out? That little short-ass? Yes, the line-out. Nohamba is so tiny his teammates will be able to throw him so high in the air he wins every one.

You think Rassie Erasmus is clever? Just watch Sean Everitt.

'Erewego, 'erewego, 'erewego!

 

Race hots up?

WITH multi-billionaire former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg now getting involved in the race for the Democrat candidacy in America's presidential election, are things beginning to hot up overall?

The New Yorker reports that Bloomberg has purchased Greenland from Denmark, just to get under Donald Trump's skin. Danish prime minister Mette Frederiksen said it was a cash sale.

"News of Bloomberg's purchase of Greenland reportedly infuriated Trump, who immediately ordered his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, to make an offer to buy the Faroe Islands from Denmark."

Within minutes, however, Frederiksen rebuffed Kushner's bid.

"As for Bloomberg, his campaign released a brief statement about the historic purchase of the 836 330-square-mile landmass, saying only: 'Mike gets it done.'"

Yes, this is satirist Andy Borowitz again. At least nobody's accusing the other of being a wife-beater. Not yet anyway.

Tailpiece

AN IRISH scrumhalf is standing before the Pearly Gates. A voice booms: "Seamus O'Shaughnessy, before you enter is there any sin you have not confessed?"

"Ah yes, Oi'm afraid dere is."

"Tell us that sin, Seamus O'Shaughnessy."

"Well, we wuz playin' England. De score wuz 12-12. We wuz into injury toime. We got a scrum near de English loine . Oi put de ball in. De scrum wheeled as de ball came out. Oi took it an' went for de corner. But as Oi did so, Oi knocked de ball forward ever so sloightly. De ref was unsoighted, He awarded de try. We won.  Oi was a hero. But only Oi know it was not a try. It's boddered me all me loife.

"Seamus O'Shaughnessy, that was no sin. You may enter."

"Of, tank you, St Peter, tank you!"

"It's St Peter's day off. Dis is St Patrick."

Last word

Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again. - Mike Myers