The Idler, Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Bouncer

from a pace

bowler

LAST week we recorded the discussions of a panel of expertise in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties on the question of batsmen being hit on the head lately by fast bowlers.

The consensus was that the introduction of safety helmets seems to have induced complacency. Batsmen seem to have lost the instinct to duck. None of us could recall batsmen being hit on the head in the days before safety helmets.

But we wuz wrong. Reader Robin Thorpe referred our findings to Peter Pollock, former opening bowler for South Africa. He replies with a bouncer.

"Bill Lawry, John Edrich, Berry Versveld and Kevin Commins are just four of the top batsmen that I hit on the head and put in hospital.

"It used to be far more dangerous. Fear was a major factor and fast bowlers ruled the Test cricket world. Then came the helmets and the padding."

Er, on second thoughts I withdraw my invitation for Peter Pollock to bowl at me in the nets.

 

 

 

Tweetalig

A POEM comes this way that can be read in either English or Afrikaans.

My pen is in my wonderland,

Word water in my hand.

In my pen is wonder ink.

Stories sing. Stories sink.

 

My stories loop. My stories stop.

My pen is my wonder mop.

Drink letters. Drink my ink.

My pen is blind. My stories blink.

 

Hey, that's clever. It comes from a senior Durban advocate. You should hear him addressing the bench on the intricacies of Roman-Dutch law. You can read the transcript in Latin, Afrikaans or English.

 

 

Tarzan cops

 

THE Police in Devon, England, don't often get called out to deal with a crocodile in a swamp.

But a Kingsbridge couple reported spotting the crocodile while out walking their dogs, according to Sky News..

The cops went into Tarzan mode and searched a marsh at Loddiswell. They found the croc – a child's toy made of plastic.

 

 

Warm greetings

 

A MESSAGE from the Cold War days … Tyler Ivanoff was gathering driftwood on the shores of western Alaska when he found a sealed bottle washed up. Opening it with a screwdriver, he found a scrawled note inside in a foreign language that turned out to be Russian which – in spite of his surname – he was unable to read.

Russian-speakers on Facebook translated for him, according to Huffington Post.

"Sincere greetings! From the Russian Far East Fleet mother ship VRXF Sulak I greet you who finds the bottle and request that you respond to the address Vladivostok -43 BRXF Sulak to the whole crew. We wish you good health and long years of life and happy sailing. 20 June 1969."

That was 50 years ago. Russian TV journalists tracked down the writer, Captain Anatolii Botsanenko, now aged 86 who was most upset to be told his ship, the Sulak, had been broken up for scrap.

A friendly message in 1969 – Wow, the Cold War was frigid in those days. Interesting that Tyler Ivanoff should have a Russian surname. Would he be a descendant of the handful of Russians who were in Alaska when it was sold to America in 1887?

 

Tailpiece

IT'S the depths of the Cold War. Two soldiers are standing near the Berlin Wall.

"Comrade, are you thinking what I am thinking?"

"Yes, I am."

"Then I'm afraid I have to arrest you."

 

Last word

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. - Henry David Thoreau