It's all
happening
in America
MORE news about champion American competitive eater Joey Chestnut. Readers might recall that last month he won his 12th Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island, New York, not quite equalling his record of 74 (including bread rolls), consumed in 10 minutes.
Okay, he didn't quite equal or break his own record, but he still outchomped all comers.
Now he's eaten 413 Hooters chicken wings at the Mall of Georgia to win another eating contest, according to Huffington Post.
He's rated "No1 Glutton" in the Eating Contest League. To stay in trim he does weightlifting with his jaws.
Still with Huffington Post, a toilet exploded in Florida. Had our Joey by any chance visited the owner of the toilet, one Mary-Lou Ward, of Port Charlotte, and put it under strain?
No, it seems lightning struck Mary-Lou's septic tank. This ignited methane gas lingering in the pipes. Next thing the toilet exploded (Mary-Lou fortunately not enthroned at the time), shattering into tiny bits.
Competitive eating, exploding toilets – it's all happening in America.
Artificial tongue
They've built a tiny taster which uses the chemical properties of gold and aluminium to test differences between the whiskies. The technology can even pick up on the subtler distinctions between the same whisky aged in different barrels.
I call this sinister. It's yet another example of artificial intelligence supplanting humanity. Will this taster with its gold and aluminium tastebuds decide for us what whisky we order? Will people carry it about the way they do a smartphone?
What becomes of that old Glasgow phrase used in ordering whisky: "Gie the cat anither canary"?
Sigh! The times they are a-changing.
Spiders
OVERHEARD in theStreet Shelter for the Over-Forties: "Why do female spiders eat the males after mating. To stop the snoring before it starts."
Sushi bar
WHAT better place for penguins to nest than underneath a sushi bar?
The police were called to remove two little blue penguins that had built their nest under the sushi bar at Wellington's main railway station, in New Zealand, according to the BBC. They appeared to have been attracted by the smell of fish.
They were returned to the ocean. Then next thing the cops got another call. The "waddling vagrants" were back in their nest. Another ride in a squad car, another splash into the ocean.
We're not told what happened next. Maybe these penguins have switched to a curry restaurant.
Scary story
WATCH what you throw into the recycling bin. A fellow in Ashland, Oregon, in the US, tossed into the bin an old shoebox.
Too late he realised that it contained his life savings of $23 000 (R3.4 million). The bin had already been tipped into a truck bound for a recycling plant in California, according to Associated Press.
A frantic phone call to the plant and he was told the workers would be told to look out for the shoebox.
And sure enough they found it. This guy got his money back.
Is this story cheery or scary? Banknotes don't recycle very well.
Tailpiece
A FELLOW walks into the doctor's rooms with a banana stuck in one ear, an artichoke in the other and a carrot stuck in one nostril.
"Doc, help! This is terrible. What's gone wrong with me?"
"You need to eat more sensibly."
Last word
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
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