Bonhomie,
raillery and
recollection
'TWAS the great annual lunch get-together last weekend up at Salt Rock of old boys of the traditional schools of this province, an occasion of great bonhomie and good-natured raillery.
And you always learn something new. The fellow I gave a lift from Durban told me of the occasion during his years at Maritzburg College when two of his fellow-boarders decided to pull a fast one on Gunstons, the cigarette manufacturers.
These fellows smoked Gunston – smoking was absolutely prohibited of course – and they figured that if they wrote to the compauy complaining about the quality of cigarettes they had bought, Gunstons would send them a carton each, buckshee. They gave their address as Clarke House, Maritzburg College
Next thing they were ordered to report to the headmaster's office. Guntons had posted two cartons of cigarettes to the headmaster, with a note asking him to pass them on to the two boys.
A wicked sense of humour they have at Gunstons. (They possibly had some Hilton old boys in their employ). The Boss (as the headmaster is known at Maritzburg College) was not amused. Each boy was given six of the best and – worst of all – the two cartons of ciggies were confiscated.
I wonder if the Gunstons people ever found out how well their fiendish trick had worked?
On to the lunch, where the Salt Rock Hotel lays on the best mutton curry to be found anywhere. It's always a great bash, lots of fun and camaraderie. A few beers as well (but who's counting?).
And this time we had two high calibre guest speakers – Wynand Claassen, former Natal and Springbok rugby skipper, and Pat Trimborn, former Natal and South African cricketer, an off-spin bowler and more than useful batsman. A double whammy.
Pat spoke first, taking us on an entertaining trip through South Africa's re-admission to world cricket. There was the occasion at Lord's where they were introduced to Queen Elizabeth before a Test against England. The players had been coached to address the Queen as "Your Majesty"; also, not to speak to her unless she spoke to them.
To everyone's alarm, she chose to speak to fast bowler Fanie de Villiers. She asked why they no longer had the Springbok displayed on their shirts.
"It escaped, Your Highworshipness," he replied.
The Queen smiled sweetly.
Wynand – originally from Pretoria and Northern Transvaal - is the man who led Natal rugby to a position where we were to win the Currie Cup for the first time in 1990. He spoke with great feeling of that build-up and the thrill of watching that Currie Cup final.
Nobody was rude enough to shout "Onions!" as they often did in the days before he retired. It came from an incident in a Natal match when Wynand, as skipper, had to shout a word beginning with the letter "U" – code for where a line-out throw-in should go. Unaccustomed to English spelling, he shouted "Onions!" causing great confusion.
Wynand was kind enough to attribute the success of rugby in this province to its grounding in the traditional schools. Both he and Pat Trimborn got standing ovations.
Tailpiece
GIVE a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Last word
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. -Rita Rudner
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