The Idler, Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Bulgarians

panic as rakia

drought tightens

 

 

NEWS from Bulgaria. This East European country is in crisis. Heavy frosts have all but wiped out the fruit harvest – plums, peaches and so forth - threatening a rakia drought.

Rakia is a Bulgarian version of mampoer - peach/plum brandy distilled to a high potency. People are now panicking. How will they survive without the rakia medication?

The information comes from my Bulgaria correspondent, John MacDonald, who readers might recall writing the Idler's column on occasion in years past. He also wrote a weekly column on the vagaries of the English language, under the nom de plume Wordsworth.

MacDonald/Wordsworth is now located in a remote rural village in Bulgaria, where he tends fruit orchards, distils rakia and analyses world affairs.

In his latest missive he predicts that Boris Johnson is about to tie up the female vote by changing the United Kingdom into a United Queendom. This is in recognition of 94-year-old Queen Elizabeth's long reign; also of the fact that since the UK formed 219 years ago, in a union of England, Scotland and Wales with Ireland, queens have been on the throne 60% of the time – the other queen having been Victoria, Elizabeth's great-great-grandmother.

Fascinating stuff. MacDonald/Wordsworth also predicts that, once he has achieved Brexit, Johnson will set about creating a "Greater Britain and Europe". Northern Ireland will be jettisoned, to join either the Republic of Ireland or Scotland, which will take independence after Brexit (Belfast is closer to Glasgow than Dublin).

What remains of Britain will then link up in a trading bloc with countries such as Moldova, Albania and Macedonia. Greece, Spain and Italy are also expected to leave the EU and join Greater Britain and Europe.

It would appear that the rakia drought has not yet affected MacDonald/Wordsworth's Bulgarian village.

 

 

Be positive

CRUMBLING CBDs … crime … corruption … campus riots …Durban poet Sarita Mathur urges us to get a grip and be positive.

 

Let's forward positivity.
Let's love Durban,
Our country,
And ourselves.
The beach 
Well within reach .
The rolling hills ,
The friendly people ,
Let's be blissful.
In gratitude be .
Let's embrace Love,
Our reality. .
Change circumstances if you can,
Delve into your pockets.
Help others.
Give your time as well.
Let's spread positivity
And gratitude
As well.
Let's embrace our country
Stop negativity
As soon as you can
Let's be a happy clan .
Forward happiness
And gratitude
As often as you can.

 

Winner's bonus?

"KING HAS NO MONEY" – headline in our sister newspaper, the Sunday Tribune, last weekend. And in his latest grumpy newsletter investment analyst Dr James Greener speculates as to whether the "winner's bonus" – commonplace in professional sport these days – could have come up in King Zwelethini's meeting with the Prince of Wales to commemorate the 140^th anniversary of the battle of Isandlwana.

"Certainly, the photograph of the event seems to show the representative of the losers in that battle looking as if he has mislaid his wallet while the victors' representative is wearing a look of happy anticipation."

Uncanny these investment analysts are.

 

Tailpiece

MARRIED women are heavier than single women. Single women come home, look at what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, look at what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 

Last word

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself. - James Thurber