The Idler, Friday, August 2, 2019

GIANT orange slugs have invaded Russia. They're only a slime trail away from the Kremlin and are causing alarm, according to the BBC.

As a translator employed at the Kremlin put it on Twitter: "Central Moscow, 15 minutes' walk from the Kremlin. A gigantic slug the size of a little kitten. It hid under the dishes, sheltering from the rain. The cats didn't mind, they were lying next to it. GIGANTIC!!!"

The Arion vulgaris slugs are monsters compared with most other slugs and are serious pests, capable of ravaging vegetable plots.

They apparently originate in Spain but have been spreading across Europe since the 1950s. Now they've reached Russia.

Orange slugs. At least nobody's blaming Northern Ireland.

 

HAVE the Sharks discovered a rhythm – two wins in a row? We find out tomorrow in Nelspruit against the Pumas, who are always a formidable combination.

 

It's at least a break from the tensions of the southern hemisphere Championship, which is in turn a rehearsal for the World Cup.

But tradition keeps on. The gals of the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties are standing by to provide knicker elastic for the traditional fashioning of catapults for the celebratory feu de joie in which the streetlights are shot out.

 

 

ALAS, I've fallen victim to the fake news and dysinformation malady that has so infected the digital world we live in.

An unsolicited Whatsapp message – that has apparently circulated virally – spoke of a combined Northern Rhodesia (today's Zambia) and Southern Rhodesia (Zimbabwe) side beating the 1949 All Blacks in one match and drawing a second, thereby winning the series.

What's more, this message went on triumphantly, the "Rhodesian" side have since maintained their 100% record of series success against the All Blacks because the two sides have never since played again.

But now a message comes to me from Des van Jaarsveld, who played for Rhodesia in those days and later skippered the Springboks. It's just not so. The All Blacks played the Rhodesians twice in 1960 and beat them in both matches.

Oh dear! It just shows it's safer to stick to the Nkandla party line for your information.

The digital world swirls with untruth and propaganda – Russian bots interfering in democratic elections and referrendums; presidents tweeting. Could this incident have anything to do with Russia's participation soon in the Rugby World Cup for the first time?

Meanwhile, author Dave Baker points out that on the same 1949 All Blacks tour, his provincial union – Border – also had a 100% record. They beat the Kiwis twice in East London. His school – Umtata High – were bussed in to watch.

"It was largely due to this feat that Basil Kenyon was appointed captain of the Springbok team for the Fourth Test in Port Elizabeth, as well as the 1951/52 tour of Britain."

Kenyon also went to Umtata High. I seem to remember Border beating the British Lions a few years later in 1955. Hey, them wuz the days! The Nkandla party line was incoherent with joy.

 

 

Tailpiece

 

A WILD-LOOKING fellow in Napoleonic costume comes into a psychiatrist's office, his hand inside his coat.

"Doctor, I need your help."

"I can see that. Lie down on this couch and tell me your problem."

"I have no problem. I'm the Emperor of France. I have everything I could possibly wish. But I am worried about my wife, Josephine. She has deep mental problems."

"And what is her problem?"

"For some strange reason she thinks she's Mrs Smith."

 

Last word

 

The test for whether or not you can hold a job should not be the arrangement of your chromosomes. - Bella Abzug