Brexit
whirligig
whirls on
OH BOY, this Brexit whirligig just never stops. It's brought down a prime minister. And now both Tories and Labour have taken a proper pasting in the European elections, presumably for their non-achievement of finality.
The big winner is pint-quaffing man of the people Nigel Farage and his Brexit Party with 34% of the overall vote (Northern Ireland results still to come in) – er, except that the parties against Brexit (The Liberal Democrats and the Greens) between them got 39%. The ditherers (Tories and Labour) between them got 23%.
So the game is now on for a new Tory leader and prime minister to head up a minority government in the House of Commons, as a catfight breaks out between those Tories who want a "no deal" Brexit by October 31 (Halloween, jack-o-lanterns, trick or treat) and those like the current secretary for foreign affairs, who warns that it would be "suicide".
Will there be another referendum? Will there be an election to clear the air? Or will the whirligig just whirl on endlessly?
Labour's shadow chancellor, John McDonnell, predicts the Tories will not call an election. "Turkeys don't vote for Christmas". But do they vote for Halloween?
Entertaining in a sense, but how long can it continue? These whirligigs make you dizzy.
Break-in
WHAT do you do if you get home to find somebody has broken into your place and cleaned it up spotless – the beds made, rugs vacuumed, toilet scrubbed, origami roses crafted on the toilet rolls?
It happened to Nate Roman in Marlborough, Massachusetts, in the US, according to Huffington Post. Nothing was missing but he found it so creepy he reported it to the cops.
They say they have no record ever of such an incident of housebreaking and have no suspects.
Two things seem possible. One is that a woman has her eye on Nate and is softening him up before the pounce. The other more prosaic possibility is that a housekeeping service went to his home by mistake and got in through the back door which he later discovered he'd left unlocked.
A great puzzlement all the same.
Torrent of stats
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener questions in his latest grumpy newsletter the torrent of statistics produced by the government.
"The publication of the consumer price index for April (4.4% pa) is hard to reconcile with personal experience and one wonders if the folk at Stats SA ever give their own numbers a hard look.
"How can it be that recreational equipment absorbs 1.2% of an average consumer's spending while the weighting for public transport is 2.3%? Do those poor souls waiting for the minibuses in the dark and cold go home and work out with their own set of dumbbells?
"And do they spend five times more on insurance than on that taxi fare?
"Interestingly, despite all forms of government intervention we still spend 2% of our money on tobacco. Far more than on vegetables (1.3%).
"Certainly, the spending habits of this author and readers of these words in no way resemble the average consumer, but still there's a worry that the data is misleading."
Tailpiece
WE'VE all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Last word
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.
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