Reflections
on the Trump
state visit
CARRUTHERS of the British Foreign Office can relax. President Donald Trump's three-day state visit to the UK is over without calamitous incident, the nearest to it being the sly wink to somebody off camera by Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, while Trump was being shown around their home, Clarence House, by Prince Charles.
The Twitterati exploded with mirth but so far the Tweeter-in-chief has provided no negative reaction.
Yes, the Trump Baby blimp was flown in Parliament Square. The talking robot of Donald Trump sitting on the loo was also in evidence. But this was among the protesting hoi polloi – including Leader of the Opposition Jeremy Corbyn – not the people of class who count. The protesters can be safely ignored.
Now all Carruthers has to do is analyse the "phenomenal" post-Brexit deal being offered by Trump, including chlorinated chicken on the supermarket shelves and a leading role for the US in Britain's National Health Service.
Oh dear. Malcontents are sure to depict reverse colonisation by America in exchange for escape from the clutches of Brussels as being a not quite phenomenal deal.
Sigh! Will these troublemakers never rest? Those vagabond MPs in the House of Commons voting down the PM's bill for Brexit with vassalage in perpetuity to the EU. They're as bad as the hooligan protesters in Parliament Square.
And now this shibboleth of the NHS. Plenty of trouble can be stirred up over that. Folk are emotionally attached to it, even though they never stop complaining about it. Perverse.
Who would be in the Foreign Office in testing times like these? How one longs for a quiet posting in Outer Mongolia.
"Waitah! Another large whisky and soda!"
Fancy cake
A WOMAN in Pasadena, Texas, bought a fancy cake from Walmart to celebrate her daughter's high school graduation. In the shop they asked her to choose one from the cakes on display.
Then, according to Huffington Post, they decorated the cake with a cap and gown photo of the daughter.
But, come the graduation party, when they tried to cut the cake they found it was made of styrofoam. This kind of spoiled the party.
The mother complained on Faceook. Walmart responded by offering her a free additional cake plus a gift card. But the party was already over. Walmart said the whole thing was a "misunderstanding".
Yes, when you go in to buy a cake I guess you need to explain that you want to eat it, not just look at it.
The critics
MORE from Rosemarie Jarski's Great British Wit. Topic: Critics.
· I can take any amount of criticism, so long as it is unqualified praise. – Noel Coward.
· Why is it that a single slam from even the most patent imbecile can undo all the praise of a hundred critics? – PG Wodehouse.
· When the critic caused me a somewhat uneasy breakfast, I contented myself with the knowledge that I had given him a perfectly ghastly evening. – Jeremy Sinden.
· Don't read your reviews, dear boy. Measure them! – W Somerset Maughm.
· A critic is a man who knows the way but can't drive the car. – Kenneth Tynan.
· Milton Shulman would hang-glide to the Orkneys to give a writer a bad review. – Mike Leigh.
· A bad review is even less important than whether it is raining in Patagonia, - Iris Murdoch.
Tailpiece
WHAT sleeps at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Last word
Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as cats do.
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