| This national obsession IT'S a national craze. People are walking about the place with their smartphones and apps, trying to track down those little goblin-like creatures that inhabit cyberspace but are so difficult to locate. Some say it's an unhealthy obsession. Others say it's very healthy, it gets people off the couch and walking outdoors, across hill and vale. They're shedding weight, they're burning up fats and sugars, their sex life has improved. These little figures have taken over. Some are in yellow shirts, some in blue. Some are in red shirts with red berets. Yes, Pokecouncillor has taken over. And today's the day when these near-mythical creatures of cyberspace will actually listen when you poke them in the ribs and tell them about burst pipes, potholes and non-functioning traffic lights. Today's the day when you will track them down to schools and other localities serving as polling stations. They will listen. But tomorrow's too late. For the next five years they will disappear into the ether and be impossible to contact, let alone get them to listen. Enjoy it while you can.
Election guide TYRONE was stupid and clumsy. His teacher, was always yelling at him: "You're driving me crazy, Tyrone!" She told his mother he was a disaster, the worst pupil she had ever encountered. But then Tyrone and his mother left town. The years passed. Twenty-five years later, the teacher was diagnosed with cardiac disease. She needed open-heart surgery. She was fortunate enough to get the professional services of the country's leading heart surgeon. She underwent the op. It was a success. When she opened her eyes after the surgery, a handsome young doctor was smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something. The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly. Then he realised Tyrone, a janitor in the clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment to connect his vacuum cleaner. If you thought Tyrone had become a heart-surgeon, there is a high likelihood that today you will vote for … (At this point please insert the name of the political party you believe is appropriate). Twilight years
It is important that something meaningful be put in their place. It is increasingly a concern of social workers and psychologists. Senior citizens have to find something meaningful to do with their time, something rewarding. And some have succeeded. A case study comes this way of one Harold Schlumberg. In his own words: "I've often been asked: 'What do you do now that you're retired?' Pony pub
THE Ascot Arms, a pub in Kent, England, has a new customer. A Shetland pony comes into the place around happy hour and laps up beer and cider from any pint mug he is able to commandeer, according to the Huffington Post.
He's become one of the boys. The barman is able to employ the classic Brooklyn line of when a horse comes into his bar: "Say, buddy, why the long face?"
That pony would go down well in Cedarville, in East Griqualand, where they have a tradition of serving animals in the local pub. A farmer used to regularly take his Afrikander bull with him to drink whisky out of a beermug.
It had to be J&B, nothing else would do. Offer an Afrikander bull an inferior whisky and things can get ugly in the pub.
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Tailpiece
"WOULD you like to dance?"
"I don't like this music and even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."
"I'm sorry, you seem to have misheard. I said you look fat in that dress."
Last word
A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence university education.
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