Rugby tensions rise
WILL the damsels of the Street Shelter for the Over Forties have their knicker elastic disturbed again this Super Rugby season? It's touch and go with the Sharks down in the Land of the Long White Underpants for the quarter-finals to see if they can repeat their defeat of Wellington Hurricanes at Kings Park in the round robin stages.
'Twill be difficult but 'taint impossible. We've done pretty well this season down in the Land of the Long White Nightshirt. We beat Otago Highlanders. We came very close to beating Auckland Blues, Waikato Chiefs and Canterbury Crusaders. We travel well.
And we have the huge incentive of possibly meeting the Lions again somewhere – the semi-finals or maybe even the final (it's impossible to work these things out these days) – to reverse previous setbacks and put the universe back in kilter. There's just no way the Lions can beat us three times in one season. Mathematics and the law of chance are against them.
But it all depends on tomorrow. We need to tackle 'em out of the game – which we've been doing pretty well all season – run at them with short passes and avoid silly buggers stuff that concedes penalties.
Get that right and the gals will loosen the elastic once again as we fashion catapults for the time-honoured celebratory feu de joie, shooting out the streetlights. The Super Rugby season could end on an unanticipated high note. And we've got the Currie Cup still to come.
I hear a strumming already on the knicker elastic. See you in the Street Shelter!
'Erewego, 'erewego, 'erewego!
Philosophy
A READER sends in some lines from Roman philosopher Cicero (43 BC) and asks what's changed?
The poor work and work.
The rich exploit the poor.
The soldier protects both.
The taxpayer pays for all three.
The wanderer rests for all four.
The drunk drinks for all five.
The banker robs all six.
The lawyer misleads all seven.
The doctor kills all eight.
The undertaker buries all nine.
The politician lives happily on account of all ten.
Muso plight
MY OLD musician mate Smelly Fellows brings to our attention the plight of music student Sibusiso Mkhonza, who has raised R4 000 from a church concert towards his university fees but still needs another R9 500 to register at UKZN. Registration in turn allows him to become a volunteer teacher at Holy Family College, in Glenwood.
Any ideas out there? Any music-loving benefactor?
Limerick legspin
ANOTHER limerick from Tom Lambert, retired headmaster and former leg-spinner for Zingari, up in Maritzburg, and his own social side, the Musketeers. This time he addresses himself to one of Durban's top night spots.
At the Street Shelter for those Over Forty
Some behaviour can be said to be naughty;
When mischievous crimes
After gin and limes
Is just having fun pickled, hale and hearty.
You know just where to drop those legbreaks, Tom.
Tailpiece
A CIRCUS runs an ad: "Lion tamer wanted". Two applicants show up.
One is a retired golfer; the other a drop-dead gorgeous girl in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them: "I'm not going to sugar-coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history.
"Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The gorgeous girl says: "I'll go first."
She ignores the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the cage. The lion snarls and charges at her. As he gets close, the gorgeous girl throws open her coat revealing her beautiful, perfect, naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and nuzzle every bit of her body. Then after a few minutes he lies down and rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner is astonished. "That's amazing! I've never seen anything like that in my life!"
He turns to the retired golfer. "Can you top that?"
"Possibly... but you've got to get that lion out of there first."
Last word
There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true.
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