Typo that survives IT'S the legacy of the typo. A House of Commons select committee has described British high street tycoon Sir Phillip Green as "the unacceptable face of capitalism". It seems Sir Phil milked his retail chain, British Home Stores, of hundreds of millions in dividends then sold the business for a quid to a chancer. The whole thing has now gone bung, thousands of people have lost their jobs and there's a massive hole in the pension fund. Sir Phil might soon be plain Phil because they're reviewing his knighthood and might withdraw it if he doesn't stump up some cash, and quick. The "unacceptable face of capitalism"? It started with a speech by prime minister Ted Heath back in the 70s. He was being mildly critical of something that was going on in the business world and the speech was supposed to read "this unacceptable facet of capitalism". But there was a typo – "face" in place of" facet" – and when Ted Heath said "this unacceptable face of capitalism" it came over as dramatic and it got splashed across every front page in Fleet Street. And it's now become part of the lexicon.
O Henry THE above is an example of a word used in the wrong context giving extra impact. American short story writer O Henry was a master at it. "This land of bilk and money …"; "Do you want your name to echo down the coroners of history?" (A soldier complaining that a gung-ho officer is exposing the platoon to unnecessary risks). Great stuff! Grim portents A lioness hath whelped in the streets;
PORTENTS, frightful signs of upset in the natural order, disaster waiting in the wings … Brexit … Donald Trump … the Sharks in Wellington … Or am I taking this rugby setback too seriously? It's only a game? No, it ain't a game, it's honour, our identity. Sigh! Roll on the Currie Cup.
Tailpiece
HE'S met at the door by his sobbing wife. "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to phone so many times before he would even answer."
He drives down town to confront the chemist and demand an apology.
But before he can manage to say more than a word or two, the chemist chips in. "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm didn't go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realise that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and I had to break a window to get my keys."
"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a puncture."
"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people. All the time the darn phone was ringing.
"Then I had to break a roll of coins against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.
"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let-up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.
"And believe me, Mister, all I did was tell her."
Last word Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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