Monkeys, monkeys everywhere
WE NEED to be reminded from time to time of the economic forces that drive our society. Reader Eric Hodgson sends in an instructive little account.
Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced that he would buy monkeys for R10 each.
There were many monkeys about so the villagers went out to the forest and started catching them.
The newcomer bought thousands at R10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He then announced that he would pay R20. This revived the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
But soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The price was increased to R25 and the supply of monkeys became so scarce that it was difficult even to see a monkey, let alone catch it.
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at R50. However, as he had to go to the city on business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.
In the absence of his principal, the assistant told the villagers: "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at R35 and when the man returns from the city you can sell them to him for R50."
The villagers squeezed together all their savings and bought up all the monkeys. But they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere.
I must say I'm slightly puzzled. Was this a ponzi scheme or was it the normal workings of the stock exchange?
Strawberry time
WIMBLEDON again ... strawberries, cream, scudding rain clouds and the occasional burst of sunshine.
The man to watch is Andy Murray. When he's on top he's British. When he loses he's a Scot again. At the moment he's British. How long does the Britishness last? Right through this time?
First service!
Dumb stunt
IS THERE no end to these more absurd Guinness records? A manufacturer of branded T-shirts in the United States has produced one almost the size of a football pitch. It measures 180 feet wide and 281 feet long. It took six weeks to make and weighs more than two tons. It was rolled out by 100 volunteers at a country music festival in Nashville, Tennessee.
But is it really a T-shirt? Who will wear it? When they bake the world's biggest pie or make the world's biggest hot dog, at least it can be cut up and eaten. But what's the point of a T-shirt the size of a football pitch?
The aim, of course, is to get into the Guinness Book of World Records but Guinness should surely draw the line, the way they do when an exploit is dangerous. Ditto absurd. The alternative is to open a category for the world's most embarrassingly dumb publicity stunt.
Voicemail
ANSWERING machine message: "We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out."
Rich bear
DEFINITION of a rich bear: Winnie the pools.
Frame-up
ANOTHER off-beat limerick by Kirk Miller:
The painter had falsely been blamed
For forging some pictures. He claimed
That the charges weren't true.
When in court, the judge threw
Charges out 'cause the painter was framed.
Tailpiece
A PASSENGER in a taxi leans over to ask the driver a question. To get his attention, he gently taps him on the shoulder.
The driver screams, loses control of the cab, nearly hits a bus, drives up over the kerb and stops just inches from a large plateglass window.
For a few moments everything is silent. Then the shaking driver asks: "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the life out of me."
The shaken passenger apologises and says: "I didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replies: "No, no, I'm the one who's sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
Last word
A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
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