The Idler, Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Crisis looms in government

 

A CONSTITUTIONAL crisis looms. With so many figures in government either under arrest or about to be arrested, who is left behind to sign for the lunch bills? To whom are the brown paper envelopes now slipped? The machinery of government could be on the point of breakdown.

 

It is most worrying. Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, every man for himself; it's a jungle out there.

 

Where, oh where, will we discover a Robespierre to stop the rot? Stopped it has to be! Let's get corruption back in the private sector where it belongs!

 

 

I

 

Booze ads ban   VARIOUS government departments are agitating for a ban on liquor advertising. For the demon booze never to be portrayed as something cool, something indulged in by sportsmen and other high achievers.   Do they realise quite how devastating this would be for sport sponsorship? Do they not realise that the game of rugby is built entirely on the practice of men drinking beer together and singing songs about well-endowed ladies? That the sweat and grunt out there on the pitch is merely to work up a thirst?   The ignorance is astounding. I offer the killjoys these lines by Charles Duffy:   The horse and the mule live thirty years And nothing know of wines and beers.   The goats and sheep at twenty die With never a taste of scotch or rye.   The cow drinks water by the ton And at eighteen is mostly done.   The dog at sixteen cashes in Without the aid of rum or gin.   The cat in milk and water soaks And then in twelve short years it croaks.   The sober, modest, bone-dry hen Lays eggs for nogs, then dies at ten.   The animals are strictly dry They sinless live and swiftly die.   While sinful, ginful, rum-soaked men Survive for three score years and ten.   And some of us, though mighty few, Stay pickled till we're ninety-two.   I rest my case.

 

 

 

Bird posers

 

READER Gray Braatvedt has a couple of ornithological puzzles.

 

"I went down to the beach to catch the sardine run when it suddenly occurred to me that there are no seagulls in Durban anymore. Where have they all gone?

 

"Then I was driving down Moore Road (I cannot bring myself to calling it by its new name) about two weeks ago when I was positive I saw some swallows/swifts overhead. Is climate change having that much of an effect on swallow migration already?"

 

I suppose the seagulls might be down in the Transkei guzzling sardines. As for the swallows/swifts – maybe they're also confused by the name changes.

 

Caterpillars

 

RON COPPIN, of Hillcrest, confirms the incident in the mid-sixties when a Harvard crashed into a Skymaster over the Bluff and the Harvard occupants successfully baled out (making themselves eligible for membership of the Caterpillar Club).

 

"It was a Saturday afternoon and we went to see the Harvard wreckage on Sunday morning. The Skymaster landed safely at Louis Botha without harm to anyone, but there was a substantial gash in the tailfin."

 

Ron says he knew the Harvard pilot. His name was Paul and he thinks the surname was Sinclair.

 

The Thistle

SEVERAL people have expressed surprise at last week's piece on the Thistle Hotel, in Maritzburg – surprise because they knew it many years ago during their student days; also that it still exists.

Not only does it still exist – outwardly unchanged though it's been dickied up inside – but it's going great guns as a lunch spot.

Absolutely delighted to know the place is still there is Mrs Rosalynd Phillips, a sprightly 90-year-old now living at Amanzimtoti. The Thistle was built by her grandfather, Hugh Loagie, way back in the 19^th century when he arrived from Scotland.

Her mother was born there and she spent many happy school holidays at the Thistle after her branch of the family emigrated to Bulawayo in 1910.

"I haven't been back in many years. I'm so delighted to read about it."

Tailpiece

Paddy and Mick are at the bus stop. A lorry drives past, loaded with rolls of turf. Paddy: "Dat's what I'm gonna do when I win de lottery". Mick: "What's dat?" Paddy: "Send me lawn away every week to be cut."

 

 

Last word

Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favour.

Robert Frost