Waxing lyrical over a glass
THE PACE quickens at St Clements where various desperadoes of the world of the arts get together every week for a glass or two of wine and to wax lyrical. This week we read the remainder of the 105 entries received in the ultra short story competition – limit 100 words.
And, astonishingly, the organisers have already produced a little book containing a selection of 50 entries. The cover is illustrated by Andrew Verster, it's titled Le Petit Dejeuner and it's on sale at Adams Bookstore for R60.
On Monday the focus switches to the bushveld of the Ou Transvaal – and Death Row in Pretoria Central Prison – when Pieter Scholtz (formerly head of drama at UKZN, Durban) and Spyker Koekemoer (aka Pat Smythe) will do readings from Herman Charles Bosman.
It should be a hoot. The wine is pretty good too, and so is the scoff.
Fifty-worder
IF A WORD limit of 100 is a hard discipline, what does one say of a 50-word story, where this is not just the limit, the story has to be exactly 50 words?
One such was read out, from a competition held up in Maritzburg by the Witness some time ago. It's by Allan Manning and is titled The Seventh.
· "Is 'fornicate' spelt 'ph'?"
"Don't know," Moses answered the stonemason. "My Egyptian princess didn't teach me spelling. What about 'copulate'?"
"K or C?"
Moses shrugged.
The stonemason pondered, then attacked the tablet with his chisel.
"You've given 'adultery' one D," Moses observed. "Doesn't matter. Nobody will obey this commandment anyway."
Great pose
I ALSO liked the 100-word contribution by my old photographer colleague, Barry Comber.
· The amateur art class loved her Rubenesque curves, but as a nude model she was flawed — she always fidgeted. They sketched, she fidgeted, they sketched again! She simply could not hold a pose.
Today was different. She slipped into a reclining pose and held it with dignity. The minutes went by and still she held the pose. The creative group was delighted.
Calls of "Can we try a seated pose now?" brought no response.
A woman shrieked, another burst into tears.
She was dead.
Unperturbed, the artists said: "Let's continue, she has never posed this well before!"
Dominoes?
EUROPE holds its breath as the Greek debt crisis unfolds. Rioters take to the streets as austerity measures are invoked. Will the rescue package do the trick or is this the start of a disintegration of the Eurozone?
Is it the start of a domino effect? Which would be the next dominoes – Ireland, Portugal, Spain? And then?
What are the consequences for the European Union itself?
The Spectator has a wonderful cartoon. A huge wooden horse on wheels stands outside the ramparts of Troy. "It's from the Greeks," says a Trojan at the battlements. "What if it's full of demands that we pay off their debt?"
Votes dispute
A READER who calls himself Dougiwe Majola takes issue with a recent "Last word".
"Tom Stoppard may have said: 'It's not the voting that's democracy, it's the counting', but he was born in 1937. Joseph Stalin said: 'The people who cast the votes don't decide an election, the people who count the votes do', and he was born in 1878. A bit too similar to give Tom all the credit, don't you think? Especially as Uncle Joe died in 1953 when Tom was 16."
Maybe. But one thing I know - Uncle Joe always had the casting vote. It came in the form of a revolver shot when anyone disagreed. Or am I thinking of Fidel Castro?
Musical quiz
· WHAT'S the difference between an onion and an accordion? Nobody cries when you chop up an accordion.
· How do you know when a drum solo's really bad? The bass player notices.
Tailpiece
Last word
Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons.
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