Lurid to the last
THE PHONE-HACKING scandal barrels on in Britain. Rebekah Brooks, CEO of News International, has resigned and now been arrested. All kinds of other people have been arrested. The head of Scotland Yard has resigned. Prime Minister David Cameron has egg on his face because he hired one of those now arrested as his communications chief (apparently against the advice of all kinds of people).
It's as lurid a tale as anything ever carried in the News of the World, now closed down. Nobody can guess how it's going to end.
Writing in the Spectator, Charles Moore sheds no tears for the News of the World.
"It is certain that the paper's main purpose was pornographic. Nor, for the most part, was it good honest pornography – pretty, topless women smiling gamely at the poor lonely men who bought it. Its pornography was of the much more sinister kind which uses disapproval as a cover for filth and mistakes the kinky desire to punish others as a symptom of morality …
"It is wholly fitting that it was the paper's prurient interest in the young girls whose cause it claimed to espouse – in this case, Milly Dowler – which brought it down."
Strong stuff. But it's difficult to disagree.
Merry old-timers
THE OTHER day we had some lines by Charles Duffy, wondering at the fact that the animal kingdom is not exposed to the demon booze, yet humans seem to live longer. It ended:
And some of us, though mighty few,
Stay pickled 'till we're ninety-two.
Why this early cut-off, reader Ray Gorven wants to know? He adds a few more couplets.
There are those of us out on a spree,
Who can't stop going at ninety-three.
And lots of us add some years more,
So are going strong past ninety-four.
There are those of us – Oh, Man alive!
Who are still around at ninety-five!
And some of us with walking sticks
Can still climb steps at ninety-six!
There're some of us,Oh, Lord in heaven,
Who are still strong in mind at ninety-seven!
There are those of us who stay up late,
And we've only got to ninety-eight!
Then there's this guy, a pal of mine,
Who's a hale and hearty ninety-nine!
Hey, game old geezers! This is most encouraging. My crowd have still got 30 or 40 years to whoop it up. But can we take the pace?
Sharkie
I SEE A letter-writer has asked that the new-look "Sharkie" – mascot of our provincial rugby side – should get about on the field more, show himself off to the whole of King's Park.
His new appearance did cause some comment in my part of the ground last Saturday. Some felt he looked over-bulky, as if he's been on steroids. Some thought he looked a bit like a Friesland bull.
Myself, I'm absolutely impartial about the two manifestations of Sharkie. I preferred Manie Blom and the banana tree.
Tomato patch
HERE'S a heartwarming little tale from America. An elderly Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden but it was difficult work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who normally helped him, was in prison.
The old man wrote to his son and described his predicament: "I am feeling sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig theplot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa"
A few days later he received a letter from his son. "Dear Pop - don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie."
At 4 am next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire garden area without finding any bodies. Then they apologised to the old man and left.
The same day the old man received another letter from his son. "Dear Pop – "Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you,Vinnie."
Tailpiece
HE TOOK her to dinner at the neighbourhood bean restaurant. It was a case of mutual inflatulation.
Last word
But what is the difference between literature and journalism? Journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all.
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