These scurrilous broadsheets
FROM a distance, we can only empathise with the human heartbreak that is being played out in Fleet Street as the great telephone hacking scandal unfolds.
Here we have the tragic case of the flame-haired Rebekah Brooks, chief executive of News International and former editor of the News of the World, being scurrilously pursued by the Fleet Street "heavies" – newspapers like the Telegraph and the Independent – and accused of having presided over criminality; of having sanctioned the hacking into the telephone conversations of the families of abducted and murdered children and of terrorism victims.
We have sombre, unflattering photographs of Brooks splashed across the front pages of these scurrilous broadsheets, her heavy red tresses making her appear like something painted by Rembrandt or a King Charles spaniel. Sometimes an equally unflattering accompanying image is photo-shopped in of her ancient proprietor, Rupert Murdoch, as if he has anything to do with the case.
This is broadsheet journalism as its sensationalist and irresponsible worst. Brooks has for a long time now, in the best tradition of "red top" popular tabloid journalism, been at the forefront of bringing to her readership absolutely the latest in the illicit leg-over and other activities of footballers, pop stars, other celebrities and people nobody has ever heard of.
She it was who launched a campaign of "naming" paedophiles, bringing out the street mobs against such individuals, generating an enthusiasm such that even paediatricians had their doors broken down and had to go into hiding.
Rebekah represents all that is best in campaigning red top journalism. That she should now become the victim of the boring broadsheet heavies, with all their weary pontifications, is a scandal and a disgrace. The world waits for David Cameron's government in the UK to give a lead on what can be done to rein in these killjoys who threaten the fundamental values of 21st century society. Our culture could depend on it.
Oopsy!
IT'S A TRICKY one for Cameron. The News of the World is one of his government's most enthusiastic supporters.
His former communications head, Andy Coulson, is a former editor of the News of the World, and he had to resign when the phone-hacking thing gathered momentum and he was at the centre of it, having been editor at the time.
What drama! Better than a red top story!
Incorruptible
ALAS, the saga recalls the lines of Hillaire Belloc:
You cannot hope to bribe or twist
Thank God the British journalist.
But considering what the man will do
Unbribed there's no occasion to.
Tomato poser
READER Tony Chapman asks what restaurants and eateries do with the centre slices of a tomato.
"I've just eaten breakfast at a well-known eatery and I have a serious question that has baffled me for months. Nobody can tell me where the centre slices of a tomato go - I certainly never get them with my breakfast. I always get the hard end pieces. Perhaps somebody can enlighten me."
I don't know, Tony. Maybe into the sandwiches, maybe into the salads. Or maybe these are GM foods that have produced a ghastly malformation – the tomato without a centre, just two ends.
Another jumper
A RICHARDS Bay reader who calls himself Dave adds a postscript to this week's Tailpiece about the two fellows who jumped off a cliff, one with the budgies attached to him (budgie-jumper), the other with parrots (parrot-chutist).
"There was actually a third victim. He had hens tied to his body and afterwards declared: 'My hen-gliding days are over!'"
Yebo!
Greek crisis
The Greek Euro crisis has hit a new low. Taramasalata and hummus production has stopped. This is now a double-dip recession.
Wham!
ALL I DID was kill a fly – now it's all over the newspaper!
Super final
A READER who calls himself a good friend of the Bard of Hillcrest, Ian Gibson – but would prefer to remain anonymous – gives his prediction for tomorrow's Super Rugby final.
The Crusaders have nothing to fear,
Uncle Bryce will always be near.
The penalty count
Will continue to mount
And the Reds will be out on their ear.
Tailpiece
DID YOU HEAR about the Irish harpoonist? He entered the Miss Wales contest.
Last word
Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.
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