Local government adapts
ADOPT a Pothole … Greytown takes the lead in attending to the all but collapsed municipal road system in those parts, with every councillor putting his hand in his pocket to pay R1 000 toward fixing a pothole.
The only drawback is that they have something like R20 million worth of potholes to fix in the Umvoti district so, short of greatly increasing the membership of the local council (and the salary bill), the business community are being called upon to adopt potholes as well.
But it's a promising idea. This could be the beginning of a new approach to local government – people being allowed to decide which portion of municipal activity they want to fund and which not. Instead of paying rates, householders pay private sector operators to fix potholes, maintain traffic lights and mow verges in their particular locality. Those who want to fund grandiose football stadium projects do so.
Adopt a Pothole, Traffic Lights in Trust, Gutter Guardianship … this is the way to go. All of it rates-deductible of course.
Red eyes, green eyes
READER Allan Goodman has been following with interest the saga of the photographer who baled out of his aircraft off Durban, without orders, earning membership of the Caterpillar Club – "perhaps the most exclusive of all clubs."
"I earned my Caterpillar (a lapel badge) by baling out of my blazing Spitfire, also without orders, after being shot down by ME 109s over Italy in 1944. Mine has red eyes because my plane caught fire. Because I landed in the drink (the Adriatric Sea), I was also entitled to green eyes.
"Perhaps these are rather indulgent reminiscences but at my age (88) one tends to look back rather than forward. I wonder if there are any other wartime caterpillars still living in Durban?"
Old-school manners
MENTION earlier this week of Durban poet Douglas Livingstone reminds reader Lylie Musgrave of the occasion when Doug was dragged unwillingly to a university soiree by Monica Fairall, his lovely lady (who is also sadly missed).
"Doug greeted a twittering female guest with: 'At your cervix, Ma'am, dilated to meet you.' He got left behind at home next time."
A metaphor?
RECENTLY we discussed the failure of the traffic lights at both ends of Tollgate Bridge and the partial attendance of metro police directing traffic.
Some four days later the lights were still not working and the police seemed to have lost interest altogether. Both intersections were being treated as four-way stop streets, the traffic creeping through haltingly but with a good deal of road courtesy.
Is this a metaphor of the future South Africa? Nothing much working, the authorities not particularly bothered about it and people somehow just rubbing along on their own?
Top dollar
THE COLLECTORS are paying top dollar. The red and black leather jacket that Michael Jackson wore in Thriller was sold for $1.8 million at auction in America the other day. But that's nothing compared with the $5.6 million fetched by the flowing white dress worn by Marilyn Monroe in the subway-grate scene in Seven Year Itch, nor the $4.5 million for the dress worn by Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady.
The other side of the herring pond, things are more subdued. A Colt .38 handgun owned by Chicago gangster Al Capone fetched £67 250 at auction in London, while four wine goblets used by Adolf Hitler during his last days in the Berlin bunker realised a relatively measly £3 000.
Does this tell us something about the value attached to memorabilia of the world of entertainment, as opposed to the world of violence? Or does it tell us about the astonishing surplus cash still washing about in America, compared with Europe?
What it does tell us is that our own rich and famous should hang on to their togs. As our political elite get sleeker and fatter by the day, and start bursting out of their Armani and Savile Row suits, they should store them somewhere safe as they are replaced.
A Polokwane waistcoat could be worth a fortune in a few years' time.
Tailpiece
RETIREMENT home dialogue:
"What's your husband's name?"
"My dear, I forgot years ago. And he's such a crabby old devil, I don't like to ask."
Last word
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
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