Dead horse principle
A RETIRED colleague sends a message from the Western Cape (which is a bit like getting a message from outer space) cautioning against adopting the "dead horse principle" in matters of contention such as the matric results.
The dead horse principle ignoresi, he says, a piece of tribal wisdom handed down from one generation to the next among the Dakota Indians of America. It goes: "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount and get a different horse."
Sadly, he says, the government – and corporate South Africa – are often tempted into adopting more advanced strategies such as:
· Buying a stronger whip.
· Changing riders.
· Appointing a committee to study the horse.
· Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.
· Lowering the standards so that the dead horse can be included.
· Reclassifying the dead horse as "living impaired".
· Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
· Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
· Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horses' performance.
· Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
· Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overheads and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
· Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
· Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.
Yes, it sounds familiar. Let's improve OBE! It is also important, of course, that the new mount should actually be a horse, not a donkey.
More names
LAST week's item on the weird street names at Assagay prompts a response from Ian Gibson, poet laureate of Hillcrest.
"Those interesting street names reminded me of farm names encountered on our way to Springbok from Cape Town.
"In a dreary desert-like area one farm was called Alles Verloren. A little later another was called Douse The Glim. Must be tough farming there!"
Oh, yes. That would be somewhere near the Knersvlakte (Plain of gnashing).
Ian must be still on holiday. He writes in prose.
Be-e-e-a-a-a-st!
NOW THERE'S talk of having Tendai "The Beast" Mtawarira deported to Zimbabwe for taking the field for the Springboks.
You've got to hand it to our politicos. They know how to raise a laugh.
McGonagall
IT'S A while since we treated ourselves to a bit of McGonagall, the world's worst poet. William McGonagall's clunking verse is so bad it's achieved immortality. The 19th century Scottish bard has his own website and scribblers such as myself are bombarded with weekly offerings from his output.
McGonagall spent his time soft-soaping Queen Victoria. Here is an extreme example.
Most August! Empress of India, and of great Britain the Queen,
I most humbly beg your pardon, hoping you will not think it mean
That a poor poet that lives in Dundee,
Would be so presumptous to write unto Thee
Most lovely Empress of India, and England's generous Queen,
I send you an Address, I have written on Scotlands Bard,
Hoping that you will accept it, and not be with me too hard,
Nor fly into a rage, but be as Kind and Condescending
As to give me your Patronage
Beautiful Empress, of India, and England's Gracious Queen,
I send you a Shakespearian Address written by me.
And I think if your Majesty reads it, right pleased you will be.
And my heart it will leap with joy, if it is patronized by Thee.
Most Mighty Empress, of India, and England's beloved Queen,
Most Handsome to be Seen.
I wish you every Success.
And that heaven may you bless.
For your Kindness to the poor while they are in distress.
I hope the Lord will protect you while living
And hereafter when your Majesty is ... dead.
I hope the Lord above will place an eternal Crown! upon your Head.
I am your Gracious Majesty ever faithful to Thee,
William McGonagall, The Poor Poet,
That lives in Dundee.
Hey, great stuff! But what was he doing in Dundee? That's up in the northern part of KwaZulu-Natal.
Tailpiece
| How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb? |
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Last word
To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle.
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