Captain Cook Friday, January 8, 2010

ANOTHER Test match epic. Another pulsating draw. Five days of grit and grind are distilled into a few final overs of unbelievable action, drama and excitement. Elation across the cricket-playing world. Bafflement in the barbarian capitals of Washington, Moscow and elsewhere. This is the stuff of legend, the quintessence of cricket! The limited-overs versions just can't match it.

England's holding out, batting through from about tea on Wednesday to stumps yesterday in the face of an unreachable score, is another epic of dogged endurance and tenacity. It ought to be impossible.

A commentator's remark that the wicket should be awarded man of the match is not as nutty as it sounds. It played a major part in the fortunes of the game. Day One saw a very tricky wicket of uneven bounce, complicated by cloud cover and a general clamminess that is unusual in Cape Town at New Year, which made for lateral movement of the new ball. It is greatly to the credit of our lot that they mounted the respectable score they did.

Then the wicket started to flatten out, giving the bowlers no help at all. There was heroism in England's long, agonising day in the field in sweltering heat as Graeme Smith and Jacques Kallis rattled up the runs. They never did drop their heads. England's bowlers were putting down great stuff all day, on a length, in the right channels. They were sharp in the field. It was inspiring stuff in spite of the lack of reward.

In fact I liked those England bowlers so much I feel it's time we took over the two Graemes – Swann and Onions (sounds like a stand-up comedy duo, doesn't it?) in return for Pietersen and Trott.

Then the stand of Thermopylae, Paul Collingwood and Ian Bell prominent among the Spartans. This was stirring stuff, the kind of thing that puts Test cricket on a special plane. Then the resumed fall of wickets. Graeme Onions yet again holding out for the final six balls as everything but the kitchen sink was bowled at him. Absolutely thrilling!

But what do we do for entertainment between now and the Wanderers? There's a full programme of Guinness Premiership rugby over in Blighty – except that most of England is buried under 10 feet of snow at the moment (This global warming is getting really serious). Tomorrow's Sale v Saracens match has already been cancelled and, the way the blizzards keep sweeping in from the North Sea, the whole lot are doubtful. Plenty of football has been cancelled as well.

There's a lot of fun when it snows in England, but it takes place beside roaring fires in pubs and rugby clubs and sometimes ends in fellows swimming starkers among the icicles in places like Trafalgar Square, but TV seldom catches it for our entertainment. We are left to our own devices.

Perhaps there will be all-in wrestling on one of the channels. Perhaps, if we're lucky, female wrestling. Otherwise armwrestling in the Filler. See you there to celebrate a great finish and dedicate ourselves to victory next weekend! Crème de menthe all round! Frappe!