Scenes of chaos and joy
UNDERGROUND railway systems are sadly lacking in our major cities. The result is a gridlock of road traffic at peak hours, absurd timescales for the shortest of commutes. We will feel the lack even more acutely during the football World Cup later this year. Motorways and interchanges packed solid with stationary vehicles give a strong sense of an urban system that is approaching dysfunctionality.
We also miss out on fun things like the annual No-Pants Subway Ride, which takes place in 44 cities in 16 countries, where commuters take to the underground/metro/subway sans pantalone, travelling in their underwear, just for fun.
It's big in New York, where about 3 000 people boarded the subway last weekend in their under-rods. In London it's only starting to catch on – about 30 took to the underground without trousers.
The thing is organised by a comedy troupe whose mission is "to cause scenes of chaos and joy in public places".
Alas, we are not able to join this international celebration of chaos and joy. But there will one day be the Gautrain between Pretoria and Johannesburg. And we do have our Durban Mynah buses which travel circular routes that approximate London's Circle Line.
It's a thought for next year, something our tourism people could work on.
Straphanger
THE ABOVE recalls the classic cartoon of the businessman who is straphanging at rush hour on the London Underground – pinstripe suit, bowler hat, briefcase and brolly firmly and skilfully tucked under the free arm.
One item is missing though – his pinstriped pants. A strategically seated woman is aghast, eyes out on stalks.
"Don't worry, madam," he says. "This is just a recurring dream. I always wake up at Cockfosters."
Tube parties
IT ALSO recalls the Circle Line tube parties that used to be held on the London Underground – Earl's Court to Earl's Court, circuit after circuit.
People would take over a carriage, bringing on board their drinks, somebody providing a portable record player. A really posh do would have a live clarinet or saxophone.
There was dancing in the aisle. It was lively, very civilised and great fun. The railway authorities didn't seem to mind a bit.
These Circle Line parties started out as Commonwealth gigs but all kinds of Poms joined in along the way. People would get off the train as they remembered good pubs near various stations – like Dirty Dick's at Liverpool Street – then rejoin the train and the party as it came past again, often with new people they'd met at Dirty Dick's or wherever. It was great fun, truly a Commonwealth of Nations.
But today we live, alas, in a squalid and brutal world. The rise of yobbism in London has forced Boris Johnson, the new mayor, to bar alcohol from the Underground. So no more Circle Line parties.
What Johnson plans to do about people who travel the Underground in their underwear once a year is anyone's guess. Perhaps he'll treat it as a recurring dream.
Amazing honesty
SATELLITE television has been full of the story of the New York cabbie who found that an Italian visitor had left her handbag with $21 000 dollars in it in his taxi, along with jewellery and passports belonging to members of her party.
He drove 80km to deliver them to an address in Long Island, where the woman was visiting her sister. The cabbie - who is a student putting himself through university - would not accept a reward.
This is pretty amazing stuff in today's world, matched by the experience of a Durban gal who left her wallet – containing not far short of R2 000 – on a Kulula flight from Johannesburg.
The wallet was found by cabin staff only on the return flight but they phoned from Johannesburg, confirmed the amount of money in the wallet then arranged to deliver it to her brother's address in Johannesburg.
The Kulula people also refused a reward.
Again, pretty heart-warming. Haven't these folk learned what kind of jungle they're supposed to be living in?
Tailpiece
MY DOG is worried about the economy because dog food is up to R5 a can. That's about R35 in dog money.
Last word
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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