What's in a name?
THERE'S been much debate over street name changes. Now a reader, who calls himself Themba, comes up with some really weird existing street names he discovered over the holiday season.
At Assagay there are people living in thoroughfares named Controversy, Crooked, Angazi (I dont know) and Hlupeka (Suffer), he says. On the Bluff are Venezuela, Japan, Compromise, Borneo, Kuwait, Iran and Trinidad.
I do wonder about Compromise. The okes on the Bluff just don't compromise. The origin of the other names in that locality is anyone's guess. Maybe they stabbed a pin at the atlas.
I myself have spotted Angazi and Hlupeka at Assagay and have always presumed they were named by an exasperated engineer or project manager who was getting uphill from the local council and the sub-contractors.
It's rather like those wonderful place names in the Northern Cape, where 19th century surveyors gritted their teeth and used their imagination as they put new names on the map. Hence: Hotazel (Hot as hell), Aggenys (Agonies) and Baldiep, which is where the surveyors had to wade through a river drift with their theodolites and things.
Clued-up kids
KIDS THESE days seem to be pretty clued up about marriage. Nasseem Mall sends in the results of a searching questionnaire among youngsters.
How do you decide who to marry?
* "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." - Alan, 10 .
* "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." - Kirsten, 10 .
What is the right age to get married?
* "Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person forever by then." - Camille, 10.
* "No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." --Freddie, 6 .
How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
* "You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." -Derrick, 8.
What do you think your Mom and Dad have in common?
* "Both don't want any more kids."- Lori, 8.
What do most people do on a date?
* "Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." - Lynnette, 8.
* "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." - Martin, 10.
What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?
* "I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." - Craig, 9.
When is it okay to kiss someone?
* "When they're rich." - Pam, 7.
* "The law says you have to be 18, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." - Curt, 7.
* "The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." - Howard, 8.
Is it better to be single or married?
* "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." -Anita, 9 .
How would the world be different if people didn't get married?
* "There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" - Kelvin, 8.
How would you make a marriage work?
* "Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck." - Ricky, 10.
Tailpiece
A SNAIL is crossing the road. As he's about to get to the other side, a tortoise runs him over.
The paramedics take the unconscious snail to hospital. The doctors work to revive him and, when he awakens, they ask what happened.
"I don't know," says the snail. "It all happened so fast."
Last word
Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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