The Idler, Wed, Nov 27, 2019

Asterisk

Poser in

Brit election

BRITAIN'S Brexit election hots up. Police in Essex pulled over a Mini Cooper emblazoned with the slogan" B******* to Brexit" and ordered the occupants to remove the offensive message. They now have it with asterisks.

Sky News give us only the asterisks, so we're left guessing as to what the actual message was. "Bulldang"? "Bollocks"?

The incident raises questions of freedom of speech. Also whether it is the role of the police to intervene in political debate. The Essex police say they are investigating the incident.

Meanwhile, somebody ought to run a competition to guess what the Mini Cooper slogan actually said. It could turn out more interesting than the speeches in a lack-lustre, largely single-issue campaign.

The BBC's Rob Watson captures it as he describes a televised debate beween Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn.

nel

"I'm talking about a studio audience laughing at both Johnson and Corbyn. Not in a 'that was funny' kind of way, but a 'you sound ridiculous/totally unbelievable' kind of way.

"And what provoked such derisive laughter?

"It was the moment Mr Johnson replied 'yes' when asked whether he thought telling the truth was important; and when Mr Corbyn claimed his Labour Party's Brexit policy was clear and that a four-day week for workers could be achieved by higher productivity."

Yes, they should take those asterisks off the Mini Cooper.

 

 

Tacos shooting

AN ARIZONA man believes he possibly owes his life to tacos, the Mexican fast food delicacy. Ryan Bishop, of Tucson, normally drives with the window open and his arm nonchalantly on the window ledge.

But that particular day he was eating tacos as her drove and he had the window closed, as he approached the Pima County Fairgrounds, as he did not want bits of taco flying all over the place.

Then suddenly – crack! – the glass shattered. He thought somebody had thrown a rock. But it turned out to be a bullet, later found lodged in the dashboard, according to Huffington Post.

"I'm pretty sure eating a taco saved my life, or at least stopped my arm from getting blown apart," he says

The cops are now on the case investigating criminal damage/malicious mischief. At least it wasn't them. It seems the Tucson police don't actually shoot people for eating while driving.

 

 

Football commentart

MORE from Rosemaries Jarski's Great British Wit. Topic: Football.

·       There's 52000 people here at Maine Road tonight, but my goodness me, it seems more like 50 000. – Byron Butler.

·       We murdered them nil-nil. – Bill Shankly.

·       Nature hating a vacuum like the average English mind, it has hastened to fill it with football. – Theodore Dalrymple.

·       Let's face it, football is a game for commoners. As soon as you get a mortgage you start liking tennis. – Jonathan Ross.

·       My doctor told me I should have a complete break from football so I became manager of Wolves. – Tommy Docherty.

·       I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat. – Ron Atherton.

·       Don't tell those coming in now the result of that fantastic match. Now let's have another look at Italy's winning goal. – David Coleman.

 

Tailpiece

Interviewer: The spelling in your resume is very erratic. Are you sure you don't have dyslexia?"

Applicant: "Who me? I can't even smell it."

 

Last word

The nation behaves well if it treats the natural resources as assets which it must turn over to the next generation increased, and not impaired, in value. - Theodore Roosevelt