I2, 2019dler, Monday, December

Blonde

honey of

a referee

VRYSTAAT! What a thriller of a match it was the other evening when Free State Cheetahs hung in for a minute and more of extra time on their own line, to beat Ospreys 18-13 at The Gnoll, in Neath, Wales.

And what a thriller of a ref. She was a pony-tailed blonde named Joy Neville. Okay, when a woman is compared with the 30 rugby players she's controlling, she's just got to look good. I'd never seen a female ref before but this was a honey and she seemed to know what she was doing.

Except the bitch yellow-carded one of the Free State guys in the dying seconds. This was difficult to take. But they hung on.

Hey, there's life after the southern hemisphere competition – it's called the Guinness Pro-14. Is this the future?

 

 

INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener notes in his latest grumpy newsletter changing trends in the publishing of books.

"Years ago the in-group joke amongst scientists was that the growth in number and pages of research journals was such that they were accelerating along the library shelf space, approaching the speed of light.

"Today it's Books about Crooks in South Africa that are swamping us. They are appearing faster than we can even grasp who it is that has been exposed and how widespread and bad the thievery, corruption and influence peddling has become.

'Soon we'll need genealogical type wall charts." 

Tailpiece

AN IRISH farmer was injured in a car a road accident when his vehicle was hit by a huge truck owned by the Eversweet Company. The matter has come to court, where the Eversweet Company's hot-shot lawyer is questioning Paddy.

"Did you not say to the police at the scene of the accident: 'I'm fine'?"
"Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded me fav'rit cow, Bessie, into de..."'

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question."

"Did you not say, at the scene of the accident: 'I'm fine!'?'"
"Well, I'd just got Bessie into de trailer and I was drivin'down de road.... '

"Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client for injuries. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

But the judge says: "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie."

"Tank you sorr. Well, I had just loaded Bessie, me fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when dis huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in de side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into de udder. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move.  I could hear old Bessie moanin'and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain.

"Den a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. He took out his gun and shot her between de eyes.

"Den de policeman comes across wit his  gun still in his hand. He  says: 'How are you feelin?'

"Now, wot in blazes would you say?"

 

 

Last word

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. - Ogden Nash