Idler Friday Nov 22

Ask your

doctor or

pharmacist

ARE you downcast and depressed at hearing constantly about Eskom, SA Airways, Prasa and the rest of the state-owned entities? About impending junk status? About corruption, violent crime and collapsed municipalities?

Do you need a tonic to overcome all these, to cope with life? Something to give you the feeling again that things are going your way, that you're in control?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you are ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you will overcome obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past. You will discover talents you never knew you had.

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it, but women who would not mind becoming pregnant and nursing are encouraged to try it.

Side-effects may include: dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare and Naked Twister.

Warnings: The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better-looking than most people."

Feel free to share this important medical information and remember – Life is a cabernet, old chum!,

 

 

 

Spider mate

OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer."

Cat question

JANUS was a Roman god who looked into the future as well as the past. To achieve this he had two faces -- one looking forward, the other looking back.

Who's heard of a Janus cat? That's apparently what they call a cat that's born with two heads. Such a cat has been born in the US, according to Huffington Post.

Named Duo, she was born three months ago but was rejected by her mother. Now she's being cared for by a vet, who says she's doing fine, both heads meowing independently.

But unfortunately both heads fight at food time. It gets a bit messy.

It sounds grotesque and sad. How does nature go so awry? And it seems Janus cats can be long-lived. One died recently aged 15. That's old for the most able-bodied cat.

That vet needs to work on getting those heads to behave in synch. Duo could yet develop into a sensational mouser.

 

Tailpiece

A GENT goes into a pub. "I want something tall, icy and full of gin."

Barman (over his shoulder into the kitchen): "Oi, Doris! Someone 'ere to see you!"