A story you
just couldn't
make up
FLEET Street has its traditions. "Coo – wot a scorcher!" is the headline Britain's red-top tabloids routinely use to describe a heatwave. (They also sometimes use it to describe a steamy exotic dance).
But satirical magazine Private Eye has come up with a variation. "COUP! WHAT A SCORCHER!" proclaims the front cover in response to Boris Johnson's proroguing of parliament, reducing the time available for scrutiny of his "no deal" Brexit manoeuvres, though ostensibly to allow for a routine Queen's Speech.
Photo 1: A horse-drawn carriage taking the Queen to the opening of parliament. Caption 1: "Queen's Speech then."
Photo 2: A tank rumbling through the streets. Caption 2: Queen's Speech now.
Alarmist? This is satire, remember. Time will tell. But the goings-on in and around the Mother of Parliaments are unprecedented since the days of Cromwell.
Last week the House of Commons took control of the Brexit process, passing a bill that forces Johnson to ask the EU for an extension of the Brexit deadline if no deal is reached. Yesterday it became law after going through the House of Lords.
Johnson says he would rather be "dead in a ditch" than do any such thing. There is talk of the government approaching the courts to challenge the new Act. But is parliament not sovereign? Can the courts override a measure passed by both houses and assented to by the Queen?
Others argue that if Johnson fails to abide by a law of his own parliament, he is guilty of a crime and could go to jail.
Maybe the Queen will intervene and just lock him up in the Tower of London, the way her long-ago predecessors used to do with difficult characters.
You couldn't make it up.
Poser
BRIAN Porter, retired MD of this newspaper, sends in a puzzle.
10 was a bishop. 22 was 12. 101 a peace prize. 22 11 2
What does this mean? Answer:
One ou was a bishop. Tutu was one too. One ou won a peace prize. Tutu won one too.
It's good to know Brian is spending his retirement days so productively.
Rattler
A RARE two-headed rattlesnake - named Double Dave - has been found in a forest in the US, according to Sky News.
The baby timber rattlesnake was discovered in New Jersey's Pine Barrens last month by environmentalists from the Herpetological Associates group.
The group, which is now caring for the snake, has been studying endangered and threatened reptiles and amphibians since 1977.
Bob Zappalorti, chief executive of Herpetological Associates of Burlington County, said it was the first two-headed timber rattlesnake ever found in the state.
The herpetologists stumbled across the days-old rattlesnake in a known nesting area. But they were not expecting to find one with two heads.
They captured Double Dave by temporarily distracting his mother. They say his two heads mean he will be better off being cared for than being left in the wild. The two heads make it difficult for him to burrow.
Does a two-headed rattlesnake produce double the rattling sound? Captured young, could it be trained to accompany a dance band, an add-on to the castanets?
And why the name Double Dave? That's because it was discovered by herpetoplogists Dave Schneider and Dave Burkett,
Tailpiece
WHAT happens when a jazz musician's clothes get all worn out?
Ragtime, Baby!
Last word
I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run. - Babe Ruth
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