Soft-shoe
shuffle in
Florida Road
ASTONISHING who you can run into in Florida Road. The other evening in The Pub With No Name, I got into conversation with a delightful pair of brothers from Manchester, with the unusual name of Shufflebottom.
Now don't snigger. It's a perfectly respectable English name, relating to a locality such as a bottom field or down in a valley. Similar names are Sidebottom and Ramsbottom.
These fellows explained in their strong English Midlands accent that they trace their Shufflebottom forebears back to the 14th century, when they were landowners with their own coat-of-arms.
But the vagaries, over time, of meaning in the English language have made the name Shufflebottom rather awkward, suggestive of movements on a disco dance floor. The name is also easily open to distortion – Shuttlebottom, Wigglebottom, even Thunderbottom.
So the brothers opted to simplify matters. When they came to South Africa, they changed their name to Jones.
"I got married and started to raise a family," said one. "I remembered all the playground fights I had over my name. Was I going to put my daughter through school with the name Shufflebottom? No, not fair!"
As I say, this conversation took place in The Pub With No Name. It would be a nice gesture if management were to change that. "Shufflebottom Arms" has a nice ring.
More names
THOSE English surnames. My dad had a friend in Swaziland called Smellie-Hogg. And in the Maritzburg telephone directory in days of yore there was a listing for a Major Huntgrub.
The poor man was pestered by calls from kids asking: "Have you caught any today?" and suggesting: "It's the early bird that catches the worm."
Plus one more
AND then there was Van der Merwe who went into the magistrate's office to get his name changed.
"What's your present name?" asked the clerk.
"Lelik van der Merwe."
"I'm not surprised you want that changed. What do you want to change to?"
"Lelik du Plooy. I'm getting sick and tired of all these Van der Merwe jokes."
Brexit blues
STURM und drang in Blighty. The clock ticks toward a "no deal" Brexit by default as Bojo prorogues parliament to limit the time available for it to stop any such thing.
Three court actions – in England, Scotland and Northern Ireland – challenge his move. The streets are thronged with protesters. Ugly incidents in Northern Ireland suggest a resurgence of sectarian violence as a result of Brexit. Economic calamity threatens.
Bojo's opponents – from all parties – say he won't get away with it. He has a theoretical – only theoretical - majority in the House of Commons of just one.
This is the worst crisis since Cromwell. The great difference is that Cromwell was on the side of parliament.
Great game
WHAT a wonderful game of rugby that semi-final was. Superb handling, by our fellows especially. A see-sawing all the way, tied 13 minutes from time.
But Free State had eaten their porridge and the Sharks had no answer in those closing minutes.
But what a performance by both sides. There's nothing wrong with Currie Cup rugby. This was as good as anything you'll see at any level.
Tailpiece
A Pole is having his eyes tested. The optician shows a chart with the letters CKOPVWXSCZY.
"Can you read that?"
"Read it? Sure, I also know the guy."
Last word
Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done. - Ernie Kovacs
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