The Idler, Tuesday, Huly 23, 2019

Knockabout

show begins

its run

A GREAT knockabout show begins its run in the UK today. The Tories will choose a new leader – almost certainly Boris Johnson.

Tomorrow Theresa May will go to Buckingham Palace to resign as prime minister. A clutch of her cabinet ministers will already have resigned rather than serve under Johnson.

The Queen will invite Johnson to the palace. He will kiss her hands and accept the prime ministership.

Then on Thursday – technically – Johnson could be out on his ear after a vote of no confidence in the House of Commons, where the Tories do not have a majority. That is technically possible but highly unlikely. It would ruin the Knockabout Show script.

More likely is that Johnson will be run ragged trying to make good on his promise of Brexit by October 31 – Halloween – "deal or no deal". The Commons, where he has no majority, has already ruled out a "no deal" Brexit. A substantial bloc of his own MPs oppose "no deal".

For Johnson this build-up to Halloween will be a challenging and taxing time. We can only hope the strain will not end in the cops being called round to No 10 Downing Street to investigate shouts, screams, argument and the smashing of crockery in the early hours of the morning.

 

 

Blokes and bonds

OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "What's the difference between savings bonds and blokes? It takes quite a few years but eventually bonds mature."

 

 

Rhino news

GOOD news on the conservation front. A breeding herd of black rhino has been introduced to Eswatini (formerly known as Swaziland), obtained from a private reserve in South Africa.

This is in the face of an epidemic of poaching of both species of rhino – white and black – in recent years across southern Africa, driven by demand in the Far East for their horn, for medicinal and cultural reasons.

The breeding herd has been dehorned, to reduce its attraction to poachers and placed in a national park, unnamed for obvious reasons. Eswatini has a good record in rhino protection but you can't be too careful.

"In light of the fact that only 5 000 black rhino remain on earth, this is a very significant conservation initiative," says Ted Reilly, CEO of Big Game Parks, Eswatini's conservation authority.

Good news but it seems a great pity that rhino have to be disfigured to assure their survival.

Reilly is a prime mover in Legal Trade for Rhino Survival - a campaign among conservationists for the Cites ban on trade in rhino horn to be lifted, so that the poaching syndicates can be undercut pricewise and anti-poaching measures can be properly funded.

It sounds counter-intuitive but I don't know a single conservationist who does not want the ban lifted. Natural attrition is more than enough to meet international demand for horn. Not a single rhino needs to be killed.

Happy the day when rhino are left free to grow their horns.

 

Tailpiece

THIS fellow walks into the office of a theatrical agent and says he does boird imitations.

"Bird imitators a ten a penny," says the agent. "It's not really worth putting you on our books"

"Oh well, says the imitator. "Here's my card and you can give me a call if you change your mind."

At which he drops his trousers, lays an egg and flies out of the window.

 

 

Last word

Anything too stupid to be said is sung. - Voltaire