The Idler, Monday, July 22

Man who

enriched

the language

THIS newspaper's "On this day" feature recalls that on July 22, 1844, 135 years ago exactly, William Archibald Spooner was born, later to become Rev William Archibald Spooner, an Oxford don and lecturer in ancient history, divinity and philosophy. He was also to unintentionally enrich the English language.

In church once he announced the next hymn as "The Kinkering Congs Their Titles Take". What Rev Spooner meant to say was "The Conquering Kings Their Titles Take". He had a habit of getting his syllables mixed up in whatever he was saying, often to hilarious effect.

Some examples:

·       "Three cheers for our queer old Dean". (He meant: "Three cheers for our dear old Queen" – who was Victoria).

·       "The Lord is a shoving Leopard (Loving shepherd).

·        "It is kisstomary to cuss the bride. (Customary to kiss the bride).

·        "It's roaring with pain". (Pouring with rain).

·        "That's just a lack of pies". (Pack of lies).

·        "Plaster man". (Master plan).

·        "A blushing crow". (Crushing blow).

·        "A well-boiled icicle". (Well-oiled bicycle).

·        "You were fighting a liar in the quadrangle". (Lighting a fire).

·       "Is the bean dizzy?" (Dean busy).

·       Someone is occupewing my pie. Please sew me to another sheet." (Someone is occupying my pew. Please show me to another seat.)

·       "You have hissed all my mystery lectures. You have tasted a whole worm. Please leave Oxford on the next town drain. (You have missed all my history lectures. You have wasted a whole term. Please leave Oxford on the next down train).

·        "I am tired of addressing beery wenches". (Weary benches).

·       "A nosey little cook". (Cosy little nook).

Spooner taught at Oxford for about 60 years and became an institution. He once invited another don to tea, "to welcome Stanley Casson, our new archaeology Fellow".

"But, sir," the man replied, "I am Stanley Casson".

"Never mind," Spooner said. "Come all the same."^[

Much of all this is apocryphal. Spooner apparently admitted to the "Kinkering Congs" gaffe but said the rest was made up by mischievous students and attributed to him.

Yet look up "Spoonerism" in the dictionary and you get "A verbal error in which a speaker accidentally transposes the initial sounds or letters of two or more words, often to humorous effect, as in the sentence 'you have hissed the mystery lectures.'"

Spooner couldn't win. I guess it's part of the tough and rumble of life

 

 

Suffices

THE kissing the bride spoonerism recalls a great cartoon in the Spectator.

A bra and pair of knickers fly across the foreground as a scandalised vicar exclaims" To kiss the bride will suffice!"

 

 

Great stuff!

HEY, what a weekend's rugby. The Boks beating the Aussies and now top of the log with their bonus point, the Sharks bouncing back to beat Western Province. Great games both of them. At last the Sharks forwards came to the party.

The All Blacks just squeaked home against Argentina. A foreshadowing of the World Cup? The Pumas could be right there in the reckoning. Not to mention England, Ireland and Wales.

Which All Blacks side will the Boks play this weekend?

'Erewego, 'erewego, 'erewego!

 

Tailpiece

"TELL me nurse, how's that boy doing who swallowed all the 10-cent pieces?"

"Still no change, doctor."

 

Last word

 

We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.

Tom Stoppard