Good ol'
Archie the
royal
THERE'S something decidedly odd about this choice of a name for the latest British royal baby – Archie. What's wrong with Bert or Syd or Joe? Archie reminds us of a comic book character. Could Harry and Meghan be cocking a snook at royalty's Establishment?
Of course there are millions of Archies in the world. But I bet most of them are actually Archibald, just as Bert, Syd and Joe are Albert, Sydney and Joseph.
The issue prompts reader Vernon Curtis to consult his Muse:
Oh Harry and Megan what have you both done?
Your new baby's name has made us so glum.
It smacks of the comic-strip, not that of royalty,
Detracts from the notion of proud princely dignity.
So with dread do we wait, with mouths all a-parch
For that shout from the crowd, "We love ya, our Arch!"
Meanwhile, the New Yorker reports that President Trump is "seething with envy" and "furious" about all the attention being given to another baby.
Presumably this refers to the gas balloon figure of Trump as a baby in a nappy that is flown at anti-Trump rallies.
It comes, of course, from rascally satirist Andy Borowitz, who has little sense of decorum. But at least he doesn't call the president "Donny".
Pithy sayings
WILL Rogers was a cowboy, vaudeville entertainer, humorist and newspaper columnist of prodigious output who died in an aeroplane crash in Alaska in 1935.
Reader Nick Gray sends in a collection of his laconic sayings, which are as pithy and fresh as if they were uttered a moment ago:
· Never squat with your spurs on.
· Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
· Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
· There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
· Never miss a good chance to shut up.
· Always drink upstream from the herd.
· If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
· The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
· There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
· Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
· If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
· Lettin' the cat outta' the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back in.
Dog pounces
SOMEBODY pushed an envelope through the letterbox of a house in Llandudno, North Wales. Waiting inside was Ozzie, a labradoodle (cross between a labrador and a poodle), who pounced on it chewed it and swallowed it, according to Sky News..
That envelope had in it £160 (R2 950) in notes. Ozzie's owners rushed him to the vet, who got him to puke up the cash in bits of chewed note. But the vet's bill was £130.
Owner Neill Wright now has the task of piecing together the bits of note and persuading the bank replace them with new ones.
Labradors and poodles are both gun dog retrievers of gentle mouth. They don't chew at the kill. What went wrong with the genes?
Tailpiece
HE DOESN'T drink anything stronger than pop. Mind you, Pop will drink anything.
Last word
Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant.
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