Hlaudi has
a way
to go
ELECTION analysis: The poll is over and results were still trickling in at time of writing. I am distraught to learn that Hlaudi Motsoeneng, former SABC head honcho, is apparently not quite on the launching pad yet to rule South Africa, as he so confidently predicted.
His African Content Movement - named presumably for his ruling that music broadcast by the SABC had to be 90% of local origin – was nowhere near the 90s in terms of votes tallied. Er, it was at 0.03%.
This puts them exactly equal to a party calling itself BRA. This is a cliffhanger. Who will breast the tape first? (And no titters please, this is serious. Hlaudi has to save South Africa).
A local perspective. According to raconteur Spyker Koekemoer (aka Pat Smythe): "The Freedom Front could have won Hibberdene … had low tide been earlier and the local voters were able to harvest their crayfish quota before going to the polling station."
And a Gauteng perpective where, according to The Citizen in its poll analysis, the voters were all of them completely plastered: "Gauteng is SA's richest province, contributing over a third of the national gross domestic product while it is also the most populous, home to a staggering 14 million people."
Oh boy, mampoer again. Were they staggering before or after they voted?
Janee, as the analysts say. Hlaudi must not give up. He's the man!
Another big 'un
HEY, Waikato Chiefs are always a big 'un. Tomorrow especially because if we can beat them, we go home with a handy bundle of points and the record of an unbeaten tour of the Antipodes.
But will it be enough for the Sharks to then beat the Lions on our home ground?
The lobby for the Sharks to build a stadium somewhere in Antarctica – the farthest spot possible from Durban – grows ever stronger with our success Down Under in Van Diemansland and the Land of the Long White Underpants.
It's a double challenge. Beat the Chiefs tomorrow then get the kop right and rediscover that thing called home ground advantage.
Tomorrow morning will be a humdinger. How many points will Curwin Bosch kick? The bookies are shortening the odds.
The gals of the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties are standing by with their knicker elastic for a fashioning of catapults for the traditional celebratory feu de joie in which the streetlights are shot out.
'Erewego, 'erewego, 'erewego!
Overseas voter?
A FLORIDA man is facing charges of driving under the influence after he crashed his riding lawnmower into a police car, according to Huffington Post.
Gary Anderson was found to be three times over the limit and his attitude ranged between laughter and aggression, the Haines City cops say. He also used a lot of bad language. He got bunged up in the county jail.
Are they sure Anderson is from Florida in the US? He sounds like one of those staggering Gautengers – probably from the Florida west of Johannesburg, working or on holiday in America and celebrating having just cast his overseas vote.
Yes, it figures.
Tailpiece
RUGBY prop forward: "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?"
Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
Last word
I think that one possible definition of our modern culture is that it is one in which nine-tenths of our intellectuals can't read any poetry.
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