The Idler, Monday, May 20, 2019

Kissing

cows for

charity?

THERE'S a bit of a hoo-ha in Austria over a "KusskussChallenge" on the internet, which urges German-speaking communities to kiss cows "with or without tongue" to raise money for charity.

It appears to originate in one of the German cantons of Switzerland, according to Huffington Post.

It's not clear how kissing cows – with or without tongue - could raise funds for charity. In fact, those of us of curmudgeonly bent might consider it a hoax.

But KusskussChallenge has roused the ire of Elisabeth Kostinger, Austria's Minister for Sustainability and Tourism. She calls it "dangerous mischief" She warns that pastures are not "petting zoos". Trying to kiss cows could have "serious consequences."

Elisabeth should come out to Durban to observe our local variation on Kusskuss late at night at the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties when the bambaduza music is playing. Okay, they're not cows but you do need the courage of a matador.

 

 

Everest

INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener turns his attention in his latest grumpy newsletter to mountaineering and motor racing.

"Climbing to the top of Mount Everest is a very praiseworthy but somewhat extreme way to avoid being in South Africa through election time. Nevertheless, hearty congratulations to Saray Khumalo who has just successfully completed this epic climb.

"Meanwhile, the possibility of South Africa getting back on the F1 Grand Prix calendar is under consideration.

"A night-time street race in Durban would be fantastic. Ferraris already dominate the informal version of this racing."

However, Greener sounds a caution. "The Mercedes cars could be stolen during load-shedding."

 

 

Dutch digs

LONDONER Ben Speller needed an overnight pad in Amsterdam. He paid £100 (R1 837) for a single night's stay at accommodation described in the Airbnb listing as a "clean room with private bathroom".

What he got was a cargo container on the pavement near Amsterdam's Amstel station. It was clean enough. Mattresses with neatly made up beds were inside; a portaloo was attached, according to Sky News.

 

But it was not quite what Ben had in mind so he booked into a hotel for £230.

"To be fair, I got my 100 quids' worth in comedy value," he says.

He shared the comedy on Facebook, at which Airbnb flipped. They refunded his £100 plus the £230 he'd paid for the hotel.

"Misrepresented or fraudulent listings have no place on our platform," said Airbnb. "Our team works hard to constantly strengthen our defences and stay ahead of bad actors."

The company has removed the host's profile and his listings, which included a second container on the other side of the city.

 

 

At home

A TREE frog from Costa Rica has been found in a box of bananas at a grocery in Nottingham, England, according to the BBC. It was 8 500 km away from its rainforest home.

But you can't beat the Poms for making a tropical frog feel at home. The grocery workers named him Lloyd, reported his plight to the Royal Society for the Protection of Animals and now Lloyd is being cared for by a vet who specialises in exotic animals.

Next step Lloyds Bank?

 

Tailpiece

Paddy: "I want to sue Guinness."

Solicitor: "On what grounds?"

Paddy: "All dem ugly women dey made me sleep wit."

Last word

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker