A Chaucerian
touch against
Crusaders?
The Millere was a stout carl for the nones;
Ful byg he was of brawn and eek of bones.
That proved wel, for over-al, ther he cam,
At wrastlynge he wolde have alwey the ram.
He was short-sholdred, brood, a thikke knarre;
Ther nas no dore that he nolde heve of harre,
Or breke it at a rennyng with his heed.
His berd as any sowe or fox was reed,
And therto brood, as though it were a spade.
Upon the cop right of his nose he hade
A werte, and thereon stood a toft of herys,
Reed as the brustles of a sowes erys …
IS THIS not uncanny? Is Geoffrey Chaucer not giving, in his description of the Miller in The Canterbury Tales, a vividly accurate one also of Akker van der Merwe?
A stout kerel … big of brawn and bones … wrestling … no door he could not heave off or break with a running of his head … his beard red as any sow or fox …
Does Akker have a wart on the side of his nose? With a tuft of hair red as the bristles on a sow's ears? I don't know but he might well.
And where are the Sharks playing later this morning? Why, Christchurch, New Zealand, in the Canterbury region. Against Canterbury Crusaders. How astonishing if something written in the 14th century should come true today, if Akker should come off the bench to breke Crusaders at a renning with his heed.
Anything can happen. The gals at the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties are standing by with their knicker elastic for the customary celebratory feu de joie, in which the streetlights are shot out.
'Erewego, 'erewego, 'erewego!
Numbers analysis
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener gives attention in his latest grumpy newsletter to the election coming up.
"Evidence that the benefits of becoming a politician outweigh the nuisance of having to pretend to serve the electorate can be seen in the number 48. Amazingly, that's the number of parties that have registered to take part.
"A goodly number of these parties have been formed only since the last election in 2014 and many only in the last few months and that illustrates an interesting aspect of proportional representation election systems. Which is to have any chance of a seat in parliament you need to be at the top of a party's "list" and that is best achieved by forming one's own party.
"Mind you, a vote for The African Content Movement formed by Hlaudi Motsoeneng sounds like a bad idea. Yes, the chap who broke the SABC. Whatever happened to the 'lose their deposit' disincentive?"
Tailpiece
A lawyer boards an aircraft in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asks a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.
She promises to put the box in the crew's refrigerator.
He haughtily tells her he's a lawyer and he holds her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen. She will have big problems if she allows them to thaw out.
Shortly before landing in New York, she uses the intercom to announce to the entire cabin: "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise his hand?"
No hand goes up. She takes them home and eats them.
Conclusion: Snooty, overbearing lawyers get their come-uppance; blondes ain't dumb.
Last word
Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency. - Raymond Chandler
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