The Idler, Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Patriotic

tariffs

poser

ECONOMISTS and financial experts in America are bemused by President Trump's apparent belief that when he slaps a tariff on imports from China, the Chinese pay for it – as reported in depth last weekend by our sister newspaper, the Sunday Tribune.

Of course, it's the importer who pays for it and he passes it on to his American customers. Walmart, the American mass merchandiser that imports in huge bulk from China, has already announced that prices will rise.

Yet the New Yorker quotes Trump urging Americans to boycott Chinese goods and "just buy things at Walmart."

"Trump made his request via Twitter, where he told his fellow-citizens that it was their 'patriotic duty' to punish China by buying as many goods at Walmart as possible.

"If you go to a GREAT AMERICAN STORE like Walmart, you'll find lots of cheap sportswear, shoes, and other items for you and your family to enjoy," he tweeted. "What better way to show China that we don't need their DUMB STUFF!"

"Shortly after Trump sent those marching orders to his countrymen, the Chinese President, Xi Jinping, offered a muted response. 'I'm beginning to see how he lost a billion dollars,' Xi said." (New York Times investigations claim this is what Trump's business lost in the 1980s and 1990s).

The New Yorker piece is, of course, the work of scallywag satirist Andy Borowitz. This financial stuff is enough to make the head spin.

 

Brewers' network

IF YOU'RE going to steal a vehicle, don't choose a brewery delivery van. The brewers have a network out there.

The Unknown Brewery Company, of Charlotte, North Carolina, in the US, put out an appeal on social media after their van was nicked, saying they would put on a free keg party for information, according to Huffington Post. They had their van back in just 42 minutes.

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The brewery now plans to produce a special beer named "Van Theft Auto", selling for 25 US cents a pint (R3.60), just to cover the taxes and give everyone a free keg party.

 

Fake stamps

THE Royal Mail in Britain is investigating fake stamps that are making their way through the postal network, featuring the face of Diane Abbott, Labour MP and Shadow Home Secretary.

It's illegal but is believed to be somebody playing a prank, according to Sky News.

Perhaps our own postal authorities should be on guard against anything similar - people like Hlaudi Motsoeneng, former head honcho of the SABC, and other candidates who did not make it in the elections having their likenesses circulated by their disappointed supporters.

 

Itchy ear

A MAN reported to a hospital in China with an "intense itch" in his ear. Doctors peered inside and found a tiny spider spinning its web.

An agile little blighter the spider was and they weren't able to grab it with forceps. So they had to flush out the ear.

It happened in Jiangsu, north of Shanghai, according to UPI.

Question: The spider was spinning a web. Just what insects was it intending to catch in the fellow's ear?

 

Tailpiece

The most successful investor was Noah. He floated stock, while everything around him went into liquidation

 

Last word

I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on.

Beryl Pfizer