Wednesday, May 9, 2018

The Idler, Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Swedish meatballs shock

WHO knew that meatballs are a culinary dish invented in Sweden? Not me, I have to say. I'd have guessed that meatballs developed spontaneously wherever they had mincers.

And if you say you knew it – well, you're wrong! The Swedish nation's official Twitter account has made an astonishing confession, according to Huffington Post – Swedish meatballs are from a recipe brought from Turkey in the 18th century by King Charles XII.

What was Charles doing in Turkey? Probably taking a breather from his seemingly never-ending war with Russia. He had some smart tactics like attacking the Ruskies under cover of a blizzard.

But he obviously also had a taste for decent meatballs and he brought back the recipe to Sweden.

Swedes are now reeling at the news that their meatballs are something alien. Now just imagine if Charles had invaded these parts. The bunnychow would also have taken Stockholm by storm. Then what a let-down when the real story got out.

Megatoad returns

YOU gotta keep in training. Competitive eater Matt "Megatoad" Stonie – who has featured in this column before for his hot dog-eating feats in America – has consumed 125 cupcakes in one sitting.

This is revealed in a YouTube video he posted last week. .

The former Nathan's hot dog-eating champ, ranked third by Major League Eating, showed off his voracious sweet tooth by chowing more than 12 000 calories' worth of cupcakes in 8 minutes and 55.15 seconds, according to Huffington Post.

He ate the first 50 in about two minutes, and struggled from there. "I was stuck in the tornado of sugar," he said in the video, which has gone viral.

The Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest is held every year  on Independence Day on Coney Island, Brooklyn, New York.

The defending champion this year will be Joey Chestnut, who ate 72 hot dogs in the 2017 contest. He beat Carmen Cincotti and the 2015 champ, our Matt Megatoad.

Roll on the Fourth of July. Megatoad is making a comeback.

Subpeonas, subpeeners …

WASHINGTON is abuzz with talk of subpoenas. Will President Trump be subpoenaed to give evidence to the inquiry into alleged collusion with Russia during the election? Will he – or anyone else – be subpoenaed for evidence in the confusing case of the $130 000 paid, though not paid, to porn actress Stormy Daniels as hush money for an affair with the president that did not happen?

The New Yorker reports that President Trump deleted nine tweets one morning last week in a failed attempt to spell the word "subpoena".

According to a White House source, Trump spent more than an hour angrily trying to spell the legal term before giving up in disgust.

"I've never seen him so enraged," the source is quoted saying. "He hates the word 'subpoena' more than the Environmental Protection Agency hates the words 'climate' and 'change.'

Having been flummoxed in the past while trying to spell such words as "heel" and "tap," Trump now believes that the word "subpoena" is "out to get him, the source said.

"Speaking to reporters later in the morning, Trump called the word 'subpoena' disgraceful and said that it had treated him very unfairly, but stopped short of threatening to fire it from the dictionary."

Yes, this is satirist Andy Borowitz again. Sometimes it looks like getting beyond satire.


Great tackle

DON'T get between me and my lunch … a stand-up paddleboarder off Gracetown, Western Australia, was taken out in a body slam by a dolphin leaping out of the water.

The dolphin was one of a pod thought to have been herding fish.

"Hats off to him, he took me out quite well," the paddleboarder, a 54-year-old identified only as Andrew, told 7News Sydney.

It's rumoured that Perth-based Western Force rugby are thinking of offering this dolphin a contract.




PADDY goes to the doctor with a painful leg. The Doc puts his stethoscope to his knee and hears a tiny voice: "Lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner …"

"My ankle hurts too," says Paddy.

The doc puts the stethoscope to Paddy's ankle and hears another tiny voice: "Lend us a tenner, lend us a tenner …"

Doctor: "I'm afraid your leg is broke in two places."


Last word

A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world.

Edmond de Goncourt


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