Tories pitch for Nando's
THE Conservative Party in Britain has suggested using Nando's – the Mozambican-Portuguese chicken restaurant chain originating in South Africa – for a membership drive.
The London Times quotes a senior party source saying the Tories are considering offering members a discount card for shops and restaurants, including Nando's.
"These are early discussions: we don't know how many businesses would want to take part, but we're keen to give members more in return for their membership."
The Conservative Party has 124 000 members against Jeremy Corbyn's Labour, which has 550 000. Sky News quotes a Tory source saying many local Conservative associations effectively exist "on paper only". The fear is that being thin on the ground could disadvantage them in marginal constituencies.
However, Nando's has no intention of linking up with the Tories.
According to a spokesperson: "Nando's has no political affiliations as a brand and no political discount card exists. We have a Nando's loyalty card and standard gift cards that anyone can use, and we offer a 20% discount to police, fire services, the ambulance service and National Health Service."
So bad luck for the Tories. Chicken piri-piri won't help swell their numbers.
Maybe they should try Bobby's Bunnychows. It's only a matter of time before they relocate to the UK.
Floral art
READER Sheila Astill congratulates us on yesterday's picture of a floral Union Jack at the Chelsea In Bloom festival in London.
But you ain't seen nuttin' she says. Come to St Elizabeth's Church and the church hall (Salisbury Avenue, Westville) on June 1 and 2, between 9am and 4pm, for a Floral Extravaganza/Showcase.
At least 40 members of the Durban Floral Art Club will be arranging flowers in the church hall and 12 others will be decorating the church itself.
"It's not a competition but we are asking members of the public to vote on which display or arrangement they enjoyed the most.
"Our members include winners of provincial, national and international awards, including the Chelsea Flower Show and World Floral Art shows."
Admission is R50 (children under 12 free), the Edith Benson Babies' Home to benefit.
Sheila adds: "Our knicker elastic is much stronger than the sort they use at St. Clements."
So the Durban Floral Art Club are rugby enthusiasts. They fashion catapults to shoot out the streetlights in the traditional celebratory feu de joie in the event of a Sharks victory. Attagirl, Sheila!
Baffling decline
HERE'S something to baffle the mathematicians. Two species of marsupial in Australia – that is, creatures where the young are carried in a pouch by the female, ranging downward from kangaroos to small rodents – indulge in mating sessions that are so prolonged and frenzied the observing scientists get embarrassed.
Yet the black-tailed dusky antechinus and the silver-headed antechinus – tiny critters discovered only in 2013 – appear to be heading for extinction. The males die after marathon sex sessions.
Scientists at Queensland University of Technology are racing against the clock to save the species from extinction, according to Sky News..
"They are very frantic and try to get from one mate to another and the mating itself can last hours, so it's very tiring," says Andrew Baker, mammalogist at the university.
"Males go from "absolutely prime health... to falling to pieces before your very eyes" within the annual frenzied fortnight of mating at the end of the winter, he says.
Er, a reminder, we're talking here about the black-tailed dusky antechinus and the silver-headed antechinus, not a varsity digs. But it does seem an astonishing contradiction of the Malthusian doctrine of population increase - wealth growing by one two three and population growing by one two four.
Well at least the females don't bite the males' heads off before the snoring starts, as with the black widow spiders. That's something.
Tailpiece
A FELLOW walks into the office of a theatrical agent and says he does bird imitations.
"Bird imitators are 10 a penny," says the agent. "It's not worth putting you on my books."
"Oh well," says the imitator. "I'll leave you my card just in case you change your mind."
Then he drops his trousers, lays an egg and flies out of the window.
Last word
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
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