Wednesday, May 16, 2018

The Idler, Thursday, May 17


This unwelcome epic

WILL he or won't he? Suddenly the royal wedding becomes like an epic TV soapie.

A dashing prince, grandson of the world's longest-reigning monarch, is to marry a highly attractive and highly intelligent American actress. A lovely couple. The British media and public are ga-ga over it. Likewise the American. This is the special relationship writ large, the wedding of the century.

Meghan Markle's father is billed to escort her down the aisle at Windsor on Saturday in the Wedding of the Century. Then suddenly he drops out.

It seems Robert Markham got caught up in some sort of papparazi scandal back in America after he posed for hammy pictures of himself getting measured for a new suit; reading newspaper reports about the impending nuptials and so forth. He's withdrawn, not wanting to embarrass his daughter. And the poor guy is under such pressure he's said to have had a heart attack.

The focus is suddenly on him, not the happy couple. It's terribly sad – for Meghan as well as her poor old dad.

But who will step into the breach? Who will do the honours?

The Fleet Street agony aunts speculate that Meghan's own (divorced) mother, Dori, could take her daughter down the aisle. There's a precedent.  Queen Victoria herself escorted her daughters down the aisle after the death of her consort, Prince Albert.

Then suddenly it's as you were. Robert Markle is said to be making every effort to be there and play his role as planned. At time of writing it was still all up in the air.

It reads like vintage soap opera. So sad for Meghan and her dad.


Direct flights


READER Ron Duckworth notes the recent announcement by British Airways about direct flights between Durban and London: also the competition in which people are invited to write a poem about it.

He obliges.




"Fly Durbs to London in a day." is the amazing news out from BA.

Three times a week is what I hear, starts October, that's quite near.

Too late for the wedding I'm afraid to say, but we wish the Royals a stunning day.

For us in Durbs this is such a boon, we'll all be flying BA soon!

"Hip hip hooray! is what we cry - "No stopovers in Dubai!"

New dreamliners and free wifi!

Now BA is the way to fly.


That's it, Ron. Chocks away! Get this in as an entry!


Panel discussion


MY PAL Gus McLeod-Henderson, of Francolin, down in East Griqualand, suggests that TV coverage of Super Rugby should, in the screen panels showing score, time remaining and so on, also show which side is playing in which direction.


"They're often playing in unfamiliar colours. Tune in late and it takes time to work out which side is which.

"That panel should tell us which side is playing from left to right on the screen and which from right to left. Then they could switch it at half-time. It would be simple enough surely."

Yes, they could turn their attention to that, as well as the lunacy of togging out both sides in slightly varying shades of blue and putting the ref in Episcopalian purple.

I'm delighted to learn that TV has at last come to Francolin.


Newest cop

MOST police forces have a canine unit. The Troy Police Department in Michigan, in the US, now has a feline unit.

Actually it's a one-kitty unit so far, according to Sky News. Pawfficer Donut, a rescue kitten, has been officially sworn in as the newest member of Troy Police Department.

The female kitten was asked to raise her right paw as she was officially sworn in after a successful interview. She was given to the police by the Michigan Humane Society.

It's not quite clear what Pawficcer Donut's duties will be. So far she looks a bit like a mascot. But you never know – she could turn out a great mouser.




AN OLD guy is sitting on a park bench sobbing.

A passer-by sits down next to him. "What's the problem, old-timer?"

"I'm 86 years old. I live with a beautiful 23-year-old girl. She's a cordon bleu cook. We make love constantly."

"So what's the problem?"

"I can't remember where I live!"


Last word


The outcome of any serious research can only be to make two questions grow where only one grew before.

Thorstein Veblen


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