Wednesday, May 9, 2018

The Idler, Thursday, May 9, 2018

New York subway drama

MUCH excitement in New York. A rat was spotted in a subway at Lexington Avenue/59th Street Station, dragging along a slice of pizza.

People started videoing the scene. Was this Pizza Rat returned?

The famous Pizza Rat was videoed three years ago gorging on a pizza in a New York subway. The thing went viral on the internet, according to Huffington Post. Copycat videos emerged - "Pizza Iguana", "Taco Squirrel", "Bagel Pigeon."

Witness Michael Courant filmed the latest rat encounter for posterity. "I was totally in shock!" he says. "Everyone on the platform was in awe and pulled their phone out like we were seeing a UFO."

Was this the original Pizza Rat or was it a new one? Discussion was lively.

I guess they're short of entertainment on the New York subway.




Stripy suspect

Huffington Post is full of information this week. US Border Patrol agents at Brownsville, Texas, saw three people trying to cross into the country, one carrying a small black duffel bag.

They spotted the agents, dropped the bag and hoofed it back into Mexico.

The officers examined the duffel bag and were startled to find stuffed inside a baby tiger – unconscious.

They rushed the tiger, estimated to be about four months old, to a zoo in Brownsville. It recovered consciousness and is expected to make a full recovery.

But who would anaesthetise and smuggle in a baby tiger? And why?

Stand by for angry White House tweets about people who seek to undermine America by flooding it with alien tigers. Build that wall!

Pong alert

A DREADFUL pong suddenly assailed students in a university library in Melbourne, Australia, causing fears of a gas leak.

About 500 students and staffers were evacuated from the building so that 40 firefighters, including masked crews, could investigate the source of the smell.

But the cause turned out to be a durian – a type of fruit – that was found rotting in a cupboard.

This fruit is from south-east Asia and is said to have an odour described as "turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock" – and that's when it's fresh.

This durian fruit must be kept from the Aussie cricketers. You never know what kind of use they could find for it.



A SQUIRREL has won a seat in the University of California, Berkeley, student senate – equivalent of our students' representative council.

Thirty-seven candidates ran for 20 student spots in this month's election, including Furry Boi, the squirrel. 

Furry Boi's candidacy was announced on Facebook last month.

His platform included more access to acorns, creating a squirrel sidekick mascot named Nutty McNut Nut for increased biodiversity and launching the Amicable Student Society, or ASS, to "bridge the culture gap between humans and squirrels."

Not everyone was laughing.The campus newspaper, The Daily Californian, slammed students.

""It's a shocking display of privilege to vote for a squirrel over candidates who have actual plans to help students who need it."

Aw, nuts!

Knicker nickers nicked

THE panty pilferers have been pinched … the police in Tallahassee, Florida, in the US, have arrested three people for intercepting, then selling on, thousands of dollars' worth of Victoria's Secret ladies' knickers that had been ordered online.

The three worked for a logistics company that packages and ships Victoria's Secret products.

Talk about twisted knickers!




Wild Coast

THERE'S nothing like a few days' fishing down the Wild Coast to restore one's equanimity. Ian Gibson, poet laureate of Hillcrest, tells us he's just come back from a spot between Nqabara River and Qora mouth.


He caught a few intombilitches and a damba. Intombilitche – "little girl of the rocks" – is a lovely Pondo name for what is known in English as the bronze bream. The damba (or galjoen) is also known as the black bream.


The break has reinforced Ian's belief that there's nothing much wrong with this country, apart from the politicians.


The nation's down in the dumps,

We've had the politicians in lumps;

But our people are nice,

And the good will suffice,

If we get rid of all those old chumps.




GIVE a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


Last word


I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Jack Handey


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