Another Trump withdrawal?
PRESIDENT Donald Trump is very much a new broom. He's withdrawn the US from the Paris Climate Accord, which was signed by just about every other country.
He's withdrawn the US from the Iran Nuclear Accord, which was signed by the permanent members of the UN Security Council, plus Germany, describing the agreement as "a horrible, one-sided deal that should have never, ever been made."
And now, according to the New Yorker, he's considering pulling the US out of the US Constitution, calling it "the worst deal ever".
"I've seen a lot of bad deals in my life, but this Constitution is a total mess," the New Yorker quotes him saying. "We need to tear it up and start over."
He was scathing on the Constitution's insistence on three branches of government.
"The branches thing is maybe the worst part of this deal, The first thing we do when we pull out of the Constitution is get rid of two of those branches."
He also called the First Amendment – freedom of conscience, freedom of speech, freedom of the press - "something that really has to go."
"No one in his right mind would put something like that in a Constitution. Russia doesn't have it. North Korea doesn't have it. All the best countries don't have it."
Yes, this is satirist Andy Borowitz again. The First Amendment is still very much in place.
'Gator extortion
A KIDNAPPER in Connecticut, in the US, used an alligator in an attempt to extort money from the family of his victim, according to Huffington Post.
"They got this alligator on me, and they saying that if no money is given they are gonna have him chewing on me," the victim said in a phone call to his aunt.
The kidnapper also texted to the aunt a photo of her nephew trussed up in a bathtub with a 1m alligator on his back, showing its teeth.
Police traced the phone that had been used to communicate with the aunt and eventually found the kidnapper and his victim – a 21-year-old man- at a hotel in Shelton.
The kidnapper was arrested and taken into custody, the alligator was put in the care of the state environmental service and the victim was returned to his family.
"It is an outrageous case, but it is clear from the evidence that this young man's life was in danger," Bridgeport Police Lieutenantt. Christopher LaMaine said. "This was no joke."
Where, where?
READER Pieter Aarsen did not appreciate last week's Tailpiece about the 86-year-old with the 23-year-old cordon bleu girlfriend, who couldn't remember where he lives.
"I am 87 (soon 88) and I remember perfectly well where I live. But I do not know where to find a beautiful 23-year–old- girl to cook for me.
"Making love? What is that?"
Tax evaders
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener turns his attention in his latest grumpy newsletter to ther epidemic of cash heists.
"The upturn in the frequency and ferocity of attacks on those armoured vans which are used to carry and deliver cash is extremely alarming.
"It is obvious and indeed proven that many of the perpetrators are members of either the police or army and are proficient in the use of tactics and munitions.
"That makes it very difficult to stop and so one wonders whether urgent attention is being given to move South Africa towards a cashless society. The facts about which nations have made how much progress with such plans are very interesting and even Kenya is already some way down the road.
"But banning, for example, any cash transaction above a really quite low level, like a few thousand, as is done in many European countries, will be deeply unpopular among the very many tax evaders that walk our streets."
That wrangle
IAN Gibson, poet laureate of Hillcrest, expresses disillusionment with the adolescent behaviour on all sides in the De Lille/DA wrangle in the Western Cape.
Cape Town's Mayor De Lille
Over the DA casts a big chill;
For she's too hot to handle,
As all they do is wrangle
About how to go for the kill.
Tailpiece
"FANCY a game of darts?
"Okay."
"Nearest to the bull starts."
"Okay. Ba-a-a-a!"
"Mo-o-o-o!"
"You're closest. You start."
Last word
Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
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