Thursday, May 17, 2018

The Idler, Friday, May 18, 2018

A lot on tomorrow


WHAT a Saturday lies ahead. The royal wedding, Prince Harry and Meghan, at Windsor. The FA Cup Final – Chelsea versus Manchester United, at Wembley. And the Sharks versus Waikato Chiefs, down at Kings Park. How does one fit it all in?


I was talking to a fellow the other evening whose day begins with a round of early morning golf, followed by drinks and lunch, and he wonders how he's going to last it. Yep, it's one of the challenges we face. Another will be coping with the gals who have been watching the wedding throughout the day, drinking vino and getting weepy. That's just the way it is.


There's been criticism of the royal family for having the wedding the same day as the FA Cup Final and the same day as the Sharks-Chiefs clash – there's world interest in all three – but I think that's a little overdone.


The FA Cup starts around 6pm our time, and by then most of the wedding business will be done and dusted, the 3 000 or so guests will be revving it up at Windsor Castle.

We'll know by then who escorted Meghan down the aisle – not her dad Robert, who became a doubtful starter following a disgraceful campaign against him by the American paparazzi; possibly her divorced mum Dori (following the example of Queen Victoria who escorted her daughters down the aisle); Or whoever (the bookies were offering a million to one on Jeremy Corbyn, a million and a half to one on Donald Trump). By the time they kick off at Wembley, we'll know.


Fortunately, the Sharks-Chiefs match is early so we should be able to watch the FA Cup Final in the Duikers' Club afterwards. Does this matter to true-blue rugger buggers? Well, yes it does. Some of us who have never played football have developed a taste for the game from the TV screen.


The ball control, the grace are marvellous. Those scorcher goals from far out are absolutely thrilling. We've become armchair critics. The refs are too strict on incidents where players go sprawling. Surely it's inevitable in a semi-contact sport such as this? The refs are too lenient of players grabbing one other, especially as they wait for corner kicks. Even in rugby you're not allowed to do that.


What strikes us also is the fanatical attachment so many local fans have to English clubs. These are not just relocated Poms, they're also locals who have never set foot in England. It's high emotion, total commitment – impressive. That's why we rugger buggers also want to watch the Cup Final.


Predictions for tomorrow: Harry and Meghan will tie the knot; Chelsea will beat Man U (or maybe the other way round); the Sharks will beat the Chiefs – natch, no doubt about it!


'Erewego, 'erewego, 'erewego!



A NORTH Carolina beekeeper drove about 60km with thousands of bees flying about in the cab of his truck, and did not get stung once.

Wallace Leatherwood bought about 18 000 bees from a supplier and left them in boxes in the shade of the cab as he went on an errand, according to Sky News.

When he returned there were bees everywhere in the cab. But Leatherwood was unfazed. He just got in and drove. When he reached his destination, folk filmed a video of the swarm of bees in the cab, astonished that he was untouched.

Yes, I once had a similar experience. I was to play golf at Richmond after a lay-off of a few years. I found my golf bag hanging in a garden shed. I threw it in the boot of the car and set off for Richmond.

What I didn't know was that a family of hornets had made a huge mud nest in the bottom of the bag.

When I opened the boot, a cloud of angrily buzzing hornets issued forth. They didn't touch me – but boy, were my fellow golfers and the caddies jumping about!

Curious that – bees and hornets don't attack the driver.



PADDY and Mick are staggering home along the railway tracks after an evening in the pub.

Paddy: "My, dis is a long staircase."

Mick: "And de handrail is so low."

Last word


Far from idleness being the root of all evil, it is rather the only true good.

Soren Kierkegaard


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