A eureka moment
THE OTHER evening this fellow was telling me about the beef cattle he raises near Underberg. A big problem is the bulls. These get separated from the rest of the herd and placed in a separate paddock when not required to, er, see to the cows.
But there in this enclosed space they fight constantly. Even though dehorned, they inflict serious damage on one another.
Or, rather, it was a problem. An ancient Afrikaner, well into his 90s, told him how to resolve it. All he needed in that paddock was a "'n donkie hings" – a donkey stallion.
Sceptical, he got hold of a donkey stallion and put it in the paddock. The bulls left off fighting for a bit to look with curiosity at this interloper cropping the grass. Then they went back to the aggro.
At which the donkey rushed at the two bulls who were butting at each other, spun round and gave them both a good kicking with his hind hooves. Then he spun again and went at them on his hind legs, lashing out with his front hooves like a boxer.
The bulls ran off in pain and bewilderment.
Today the donkey is boss. The bulls are good as gold. When they have to be loaded onto a cattle truck, the donkey goes first and the bulls meekly follow.
I had never heard of such a thing before and found it interesting. And then – eureka! This could be the answer to all our ills!
The government are agonising these days about how to perform; how to get service delivery, stop the rot of corruption, nepotism, waste and incompetence.
The time has surely arrived for a donkey stallion to be appointed to the cabinet, to administer a sound kicking to every minister who fails to perform.
Anything's worth a try.
Taking a dive
WATCHING a replay, I see I wrongly described Chris Ashton yesterday as scoring the clincher try for Saracens against Ulster in the Heineken Cup quarter-final with a swallow dive, the ball in his outstretched right hand. In fact it was in his left hand.
This weekend they play Toulon in the semis. What will Ashton's next trick be? Stand by for a half-pike, Ashton touching his toes and balancing the ball on his nose.
Survivor
And under that Almighty Fin,
The littlest fish may enter in …
WILDLIFE officials in Washington state, in the US, have found an unusual stowaway aboard a Japanese boat believed to have washed ashore with debris from the 2011 tsunami.
The tiny live fish, identified as a striped beakfish, appears to have survived the 8 000km journey in a bait box on board a wooden skiff just 5.5m long. It seems to have fed off other organisms. The bait box also contained crabs, seaweed and barnacles.
The beakfish lives on coral reefs in the shallow waters off Japan. With its vertical black stripes it looks very much like a little fellow that inhabits our own reefs.
It's quite a survival story. The lines from Rupert Brooke seem appropriate.
Sparked
WE'VE all heard of a Chinese junk. This was a Chinese drunk. A fellow climbed nine metres up an electricity pole in Linfen, in north China's Shanxi province, and caused a lot of anxiety to onlookers as he swung from high tension cables.
The power to the area was cut to prevent his being electrocuted and for 15 minutes firefighters tried to talk him down as he dropped from one set of cables to the next then eventually dropped into a held safety net.
He was found to be completely plastered and explained that he had been drinking too much because he was in a bad mood. Medics said he had sustained no injuries apart from the alcohol in his system.
Yes, I guess we understand. They're not so inscrutable after all.
Tailpiece
SHE SENDS a text: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!"
He texts back: ""On the toilet. Please advise."
Last word
Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.
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