Little green snake
HERE'S some real-life drama from a place in Texas called Sweetwater. Fasten your seatbelts.
This couple had a lot of potted plants. During a cold spell, the wife brought them indoors to protect them from a freeze.
A little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She screamed. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on his hands and knees to look for it. Then the family dog cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over.
The wife thought he'd had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.
Then the snake came out from under the sofa. One of the s stretcher bearers saw it and dropped his end.
That was when the man broke his leg and why he had to stay in hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbour .
He volunteered to capture the snake. Arming himself with a rolled-up newspaper, he began poking under the couch. It seemed to have gone . He told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
Then her hand dangled between the cushions and she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted. The snake went back under the sofa.
The neighbour tried to use CPR to revive her. His wife, just returned from shopping, saw through the window her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth . She rushed in and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp so it needed stitches.
The commotion woke the other woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbour lying
on the floor with his wife bending over him. She assumed he had been bitten by the snake.
She got a small bottle of whisky from the kitchen and began pouring it down the man's throat.
The police arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whisky, and assumed there had been a drunken fight. They were about to arrest them all when the first woman tried to explain how it had happened all because of a little green snake.
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbour and his sobbing wife.
The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. A policeman drew his gun and fired. He missed and hit the leg of the table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the curtains.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard onto the family dog which, startled, raced into the street where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, the burning curtains were seen by other neighbours who called the fire department.
The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in the whole city block (but they did put out get the house fire).
Time passed. Both men were discharged from hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police got a new car and all was right with the world.
A while later the original couple were watching TV. The weatherman announced a cold snap. The wife asked if her husband thought they should bring in the plants for the night.
At which he ran shrieking into the night, never to return. So sad.
Tailpiece
Little boy to his mother: "Can I go outside and help Daddy change the wheel on the car? I know all the words."
Last word
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
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