Bearded mystery man
THE ODDEST things seem to happen in California. CCTV cameras picked up a burly, bearded figure in oddly-patterned ski trousers peering after hours through the window of a grocery store in a place called Redding.
He disappeared and returned moments later, this time with a black hood pulled over his head to conceal his identity. But the unmistakeable patterned trousers were still there.
He then stumbled about a bit before throwing a rock at the glass door, shattering it. This activated the store's alarm, at which he ran off, tripped over a kerb in the car park and went for an absolute pearler.
He didn't enter the store and nothing was stolen. But the police are looking for him all the same.
It's odd that they've had no success. The burly, bearded figure looks just like WG Grace, the famous 19th century England batsman (though it's doubtful whether WG would have worn patterned ski pants). He must stand out in California.
Alternatively, he looks just like a burly, bearded figure who used to open the batting for the Durban Press XI in days of yore – a dead-ringer for WG - and is today a venerable sub-editor.
But I've checked. My colleague Des Cooney was nowhere near Redding, California, on the day in question. (And I've never known him to wear patterned ski pants).
See ya later
THEY'RE on alligator alert on Spain's Costa del Sol. Alligator tracks have been found around lakes near Marbella and the experts say he appears to be almost two metres in length and would weigh about 70kg.
Warning signs have gone up and a surveillance tower has been built. The tracks confirm a reported sighting on one of the lakes.
Police believe the alligator must have been an exotic pet, irresponsibly released by the owner when he grew too big. They are now planning to trap him alive.
It's caused a bit of a stir because the Costa del Sol is a favourite destination of British package tourists. But surely they worry unduly. Even alligators draw the line somewhere.
Daredevils
HIGH-WIRE daredevil Nik Wallenda plans to tightrope walk across a section of America's Grand Canyon without a harness.
Last year he was the first person in 116 years to tightrope walk across the Niagra Falls. When he crosses the Grand Canyon above the Little Colorado River, at 457 m he will be higher than he's ever been before.
Wallenda says the attempt will be in honour of his great-grandfather, Karl, who died in 1978 when he fell from a tightrope in Puerto Rico.
The Grand Canyon exercises a fascination for daredevils. In the 1970s, motorcycle stuntman Evel Knievel wanted desperately to ramp-jump the Canyon on a machine driven by a steam-powered rocket but the authorities refused permission. However it captured the public imagination, even after an attempt at Snake River Canyon failed when his parachute opened prematurely.
Knievel was a colourful figure. He took his stunt name, Evil, after sharing a cell one night with a man the police called Awful Knofel. (He later slightly softened the Evil to Evel). They don't seem to make 'em like that any more.
Tailpiece
MURPHY, a Dublin furniture dealer was in Paris on business. That evening he went to a small bistro for a glass of wine.
A beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table and asked something in French, which he could not understand. He motioned her to the vacant chair and spoke to her in English, which she could not understand.
After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered her a glass of wine.
He took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate with food on it. Again she nodded. He ordered dinner for them both. Then he took another napkin and drew a couple dancing. She nodded again and they took to the dance floor.
They danced until the place closed and the band was packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.
Last word
A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.
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