Riding, driving furiously
PEDAL rickshaws – known as pedicabs - have become a feature of London's streets. The canopied three-wheelers have also begun to irritate other road-users with their unorthodox and erratic behaviour.
Now the police have started prosecuting them for "riding furiously", an offence in terms of a 174-year-old law.
The Metropolitan Police Act of 1839 outlaws "riding or driving furiously such as to endanger the life or limb of any person."
A total 101 rickshaws have been impounded and 53 drivers have been fined £80 (R1 120) each.
Reader Mike Rochfort, of Morningside, brings this to our attention and wants to know whether "riding or driving furiously" such as to endanger life or limb does not exactly describe the conduct of our own minibus taxis?
He also recalls that we were once a British colony – "the Last Outpost of the British Empire." Did that law of 1839 then not apply to us as well? Has it ever been repealed?
It's quite a thought. Let's throw the book at them. Let's get them under the laws against highwaymen as well while we're about it. Get the Peelers moving!
Secret weapon
ROB NICOLAI, Howick's, astrophysicist, quantum mechanic and towering intellect, has turned military tactician. He says that if we want to defeat the rebels in the Central African Republic, all we need do is parachute in JZ's well-fed businessman nephew, Khulubuse.
"Let him consume the rebels' food rations. If they are not properly nourished they will lose all fighting spirit."
Indeed. As Napoleon remarked, an army marches on its stomach. Khulubuse clearly has a lot of marching in him. This idea has the elegance of simplicity.
Mynahs
A READER who calls herself Granny Joan compares my persecution by monkeys with the disdain with which she is treated by a pair of mynah birds.
She lives in a garden flat where a large flock squawk and carry on every morning, then fly away – all except the pair who stay behind, march in through the open door, strut past her as she sits in her chair, and the dog, Hurley, as he sleeps on the bed, then make for the kitchen where they have a whale of a time chucking the dog pellets about.
She's called them Mutt and Jeff. She wonders why this particular pair should have adopted her. He finds them amusing but very badly behaved.
Yes mynahs are instinctive hooligans, I'm afraid. Often you will see a whole flock of them fighting, rolling around on the lawn, feathers flying. Very noisy too.
But , Granny Joan, when you get adopted by mynahs you have no say in it, no more than when you get adopted by monkeys.
My barber
AN ANONYMOUS reader sends in a collection of short bits headed: "My barber says …" Here goes:
The previous Prince of Wales (that would have been Edward, in the 1930s) went dancing in the Western Cape. The girls spoke with strong bgeis. (the Malmesbugy bgei, a guttural pronunciation of the letter "r").
He said: "I'm fascinated by the way you roll your "r"s.
She said: "It's my high heels, Your Highness, that does it."
Gift guitar
CALAMITY to Cloud Nine … DHS pupil and budding musician Rorke Kemp had his heart set on the music festival at Splashy Fen. But then thieves broke into his parents' home one evening and stole all three of his guitars.
He borrowed a guitar and started busking to raise money for a new one. At a gig at Alliance Francaise, he played Sugar Man and so wowed the audience they collected R600 for him and a man actually gave him an electric guitar he didn't use any more.
At Splashy Fen, Rorke entered the Open Mike competition and won musical equipment worth R10 000.
Says Rorke's Dad, Derek: "We don't even know who this man is who gave him the guitar. It would be nice to be able to thank him and let him know how much joy he provided my son."
Tailpiece
JULIUS Caesar is addressing the crowd in the Colisseum in Rome: "I have returned from my campaign in France, where I killed 50 000 Gauls."
The crowd rise to their feet cheering.
Brutus: " He lies! He killed only 25 000!"
Caesar: "Yes, but away Gauls count double in Europe."
Last word
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
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